Gratitudes Jan 31

  1. That I am fine after yesterday’s trauma
  2. I’m so grateful that last night, after a day of sobbing, I had relief.
  3. I’m so grateful for this new day
  4. And to wake up and BE grateful for the new day.
  5. M just called – said pack a bag and make sure birds have enough stay here if snow – SO nice. Good. Comforting.
  6. And I will do it
  7. Today’s readings
  8. and especially that last line: Use your time, wherever you are, to nourish and heal yourself.
  9. It *also* makes me feel less alone.
  10. My friendship with A. SO grateful not gone!
  11. My friendship with Jo
  12. Although it was difficult, I’m very grateful for our talk yesterday
  13. The police where I live. Helping with that man on my property omg
  14. That I am the first teacher invited to this district committee. In lie quarter of a century! Yay me
  15. That I helped Je get a job
  16. I’m grateful for all my opportunities
  17. for my education
  18. which my parents paid for
  19. for the braces i had
  20. which they also paid for
  21. for the piano lessons
  22. they paid for for so long
  23. my birdies
  24. that they ate and flew and played yesterday a lot
  25. and chirped of course
  26. the *different* sounds they make – can give away their mood…
  27. books
  28. sleep!
  29. coffee
  30. I am healthy. “When you have your health, you have everything.”
  31. My uncles always saying that
  32. parties I’ve had fun at
  33. Pretty dresses I’ve owned
  34. WW
  35. OA
  36. eyesight!
  37. fresh water!
  38. my new water bottle BPA free and has an infuser
  39. I *loved* my water yesterday with fresh lime in it 🙂
  40. My little ice pack things for my lunch bag
  41. Salads.
  42. chickpeas
  43. Lentils
  44. Fruit
  45. Whole grain and whole wheat breads
  46. I not only have all the organs I need
  47. I even have hair! (I have 2 female friends who don’t – due to alopecia)
  48. 12-Step programs
  49. Sitcoms
  50. Piano
  51. Rachmaninoff
  52. And O introducing me to his music to play
  53. Schumann
  54. And O introducing me to his music to play
  55. Biographies
  56. This laptop
  57. Lights. I am so grateful for electricity and lights
  58. and heat
  59. grateful for the special like sun lamp for the birds
  60. and pellets
  61. and treats
  62. and fresh organic leafy greens for them too
  63. and water for them
  64. and that I did a good cage-cleanout yesterday
  65. grateful for every day that I make the bed (I am supposed to leave it unmade sometimes due to allergies)
  66. Grateful that my house is neat and in order. I remember when it was a horror
  67. Grateful for showers
  68. and baths
  69. I remember during my injury when I really couldn’t
  70. grateful that I can walk. I remember when I couldn’t
  71. Also remember when didn’t sleep. After many months, the night I got 1 hour 40 minutes and I was so happy because that meant someday I’d get 2 hours etc etc. and now I sleep every night all night. So grateful for that.
  72. That maybe I can help others even more
  73. That I can read
  74. That I have a good job
  75. That I have health insurance. I pay a lot, but at leastI have it
  76. That I lived fine through my surgeries
  77. My breath used to be SO shallow. And now it comes all the way in! Grateful for that!
  78. I am grateful for the coooked veggies in my fridge right now that I made
  79. That my laundry is done
  80. Jo’s company yesterday
  81. His hugs when I was so upset too
  82. And later when I wasn’t
  83. Hope
  84. Who knows what the future holds. And – living in the moment
  85. I have sat with Thich Nhat Hanh!
  86. FIVE TIMES!
  87. 3 retreats here in USA
  88. One in London ❤
  89. And one day at a theater in NYC
  90. I am grateful that I have this day of functioning with full brain and heart and mind and body and spirituality at a nice job, in front of me.
  91. I’m grateful for the friendship of D
  92. And L
  93. And St
  94. And Tr
  95. SO grateful for the aides in my room! It is wonderful in there!
  96. And so grateful that *they’re* happy there too!
  97. laughter
  98. smiles
  99. my eyes that smile
  100. my feet and legs don’t hurt so much now!

 

Readings Jan 31

For Today:

To say yes, you have to sweat and roll up your sleeves and plunge both hands into life up to the elbows. It is easy to say no, even if saying no means death. Jean Anouilh

It takes no effort, no risk, no investment of myself to stand back and not participate. There is no chance of being disappointed. Oh yes, I can look on, criticize a little, give advice. Not today! Today I choose to shout YES to life, to take whatever comes my way – indeed, to go out of my way. By forgetting myself, I can feel and not be afraid, experience and not regret, make decisions and not worry. I throw old cautions to the wind – some may even call me foolhardy – but I know I am not alone; I have a Higher Power to keep me balanced.

For today: I put aside old habits of negativity so I can experience a new closeness to others, to the present, to myself. I exchange my “Yes, but” for “Why not?”

My takeaway: I used to say no to life by hiding out in the den afraid of so much. Just eating and tv and sort of hiding out. So much less so now! Yay!

How to Eat:

FOOD AS MIDICINE

In the original Five Contemplations as they were recited during the Buddha’s time, food was considered to be medicine. But I think that when the Buddha received good food, he also enjoyed it. I don’t think he thought of it as just taking medicine. We know the food nourished our bodies. But we can also appreciate and savor our food.

My takeaway is not just savor, but is think of food as medicine and eat that kind of good food more and everything else less!

Voices of Recovery:

“Just for Today.” – Program slogan

“Just for today” is one of the program slogans that works for me. It is even better than “one day at a time” because that suggests another day coming. Sometimes, today is as much as I can handle. As the pamphlet says, “I can do things for one day that I couldn’t begin to think of doing for any length of time, not even one more day.” At times, I have had to say to myself, “only four, three, two more hours until I go to bed, close my eyes, don’t have to talk to one more person or do one more thing.” It is a sublimely peaceful feeling to reach the end of that one day, to be finished.

“Just for today” also helps me avoid the notion that I have some space from my disease if I have a few days, weeks, or months of abstinence in a row. When the days run together and I get farther from my last compulsive bite, I can begin to think that I have somehow “made it” or that I’ve reached a safe distance from my disease. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am as close to taking that first compulsive bite today as I was on the day I came into program if I am not living in the present and aware that I am a compulsive overeater. “Just for today” reminds me that today is all I have.

My takeaway: Good. Hopeful. As far as eating goes – BUT *I* must be careful not to live this way in terms of life! Like not, “get through the day and you can sleep” aka hideout from life.

DAILY REFLECTIONS:

HAVING FUN YET?

…we aren’t a glum lot. If newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn’t want it. We absolutely insist on enjoying life. We try not to indulge in cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world’s troubles on our shoulders. Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 132

When my own house is in order, I find the different parts of my life are more manageable. Stripped from the guilt and remorse that cloaked my drinking years, I am free to assume my proper role in the universe, but this condition requires maintenance. I should stop and ask myself, Am I having fun yet? If I find answering that question difficult or painful, perhaps I’m taking myself too seriously – and finding it difficult to admit that I’ve strayed from my practice of working the program to keep my house in order. I think the pain I experience is one way my Higher Power has to get my attention, coaxing me to take stock of my performance. The slight time and effort it takes to work the program – a spot-check inventory, for example, or the making of amends, whatever is appropriate – are well worth the effort.

My takeaway:

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As Bill Sees It:

We Cannot Stand Still

In the first days of A.A., I wasn’t much bothered about the areas of life in which I was standing still. There was always the alibi: “After all,” I said to myself, “I’m far too busy with much more important matters.” That was my near perfect prescription for comfort and complacency.

How many of us would presume to declare, “Well, I’m sober and I’m happy. What more can I want, or do? I’m fine the way I am.” We know that the price of such self-satisfaction is an inevitable backslide, punctuated at some point by a very rude awakening. We have to grow or else deteriorate. For us, the status quo can only be for today, never for tomorrow. Change we must; we cannot stand still.

My takeaway: “far too busy with much more important matters doesn’t work – not only that but it can be a falsely-comforting cloud under which to hide”

How to Love:

SAYING “NO”

Loving someone doesn’t mean saying “yes” to whatever the other person wants. The basis of loving someone else is to know yourself and to know what you need. I know a woman who suffered very much because she couldn’t say “no.” From the time she was young, whenever a man asked her for something, she felt she had to say “yes” even when she didn’t want to. It’s important that loving another person doesn’t take priority over listening to yourself and knowing what you need.

My takeaway: I can see that I’ve read this before and had even written, “Wow” on the page. But now – now I see it differently. Yes, needn’t say yes to everything and just people-please so as to not be alone… but also – must not put own needs so high and desperate that that person’s “job” comes to be fulfilling them 😥

How to Relax:

BREATHING ROOM

Do you have a space dedicated to relaxing in your home This doesn’t have to be a big space. It could be a small corner (not your bed!) or anywhere in a room that is dedicated just to breathing and relaxing. This is not a space for eating or doing homework, or folding laundry or building anything. This is as essential as a place to eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom. We need a small space where we can take care of our nervous system and restore our tranquility and peace.

My takeaway: I can use a big floor pillow in the “sunroom.” Want to start doing this. Or even a certain sitting spot (chair or “other” side of sofa) in the l.r. Want to start doing this, yes.

How to Walk:

RECOVERING OUR SOVEREIGNTY

When we are pushed and pulled in many different directions, we lose our sovereignty. We’re not free. Don’t allow yourself to be carried away anymore. Resist. Each mindful step is a step toward freedom. This kind of freedom is not political freedom. It’s freedom from the past, from the future, from our worries and our fears.

My takeaway: Do not let myself be “carried away” anymore. “Each mindful step is a step toward freedom.”

How to Sit:

NOURISH YOURSELF WHEREVER YOU ARE

It’s wonderful if you have a quiet place to sit at home or in your workplace. But you can practice mindful sitting wherever you are. If you ride the train or the bus to work, these are excellent places to practice sitting. Instead of thinking about your projects, your colleagues, your list of tasks, you can enjoy practicing breathing in and out to release the tension in your body and give your mind a break from being caught in thinking. You can create a meditation hall of your bus or your train. Use your time, wherever you are, to nourish and heal yourself.

My takeaway: Oh my gosh, I love this all! “Use your time, wherever you are, to nourish and heal yourself.” Ahhh. Yes.

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Journal Jan 30

Good Morning! May this be a day of peace and “enough” and love for you (and me).

I’m grateful that I just meditated. Message: Take it slow. Be gentle with yourself. Feel My embrace. I love you. Gift: You are okay. This day. – Ahh

May I remember those things today.

May you also.

— 5:52 pm

OMG

so – it is what it is – i must accept – i don’t think i can even quite write about it now – except that – well – lots happened today – and it led to much muc rying and borderline despair – it involved: loneliness/ an intruder on my property, jo here and a very long talk/ police putting intruder in jail omg so much so much – fears and self-recriminations etc etc etc – but EVERYHING is what it is period and i shall be ok – i MUST accept and deal from HERE – here is all there is!. Amen. —

How come I can relax at 6;45 pm but not at 11:00 am? Because at 6:45 pm I feel like, “Oh – I’ve put in a day and now I get to wind down and relac” At 11:00 am I feel l the sense of endless loneliness and empties. So it’s ALL in the imnd!

Gratiudes Jan 30

  1. I’m so grateful for the grocery shopping yesterday.
  2. And how I felt going in – how lucky to have it all available. Including the freedom to just do it
  3. And the car to get there
  4. and the money for gas in the car
  5. And it is like, less than a mile from my house!
  6. And the free cart to use there
  7. And the aisles and aisles of so much! More than I could ever need!
  8. Choices even of brands
  9. Organic produce – right at my own local supermarket!
  10. I even got healthy snacks
  11. Spent $92.00, which is good, for me.
  12. Getting it lower and lower.
  13. Bought all I need
  14. Had a list, not only of what to buy, but everything here I can eat all week.
  15. Came home and make zucchini and an orange pepper in sauce, yum.
  16. Had some already.
  17. Nice checkout person.
  18. Clean, pleasant store.
  19. Had everything I wanted. Done.
  20. Then I even went back after putting away mine
  21. and doing laundry
  22. and practicing piano
  23. and making the veggie dish on the stovetop
  24. went back to do mother’s. So glad I can do that for her.
  25. Brought it over
  26. Y. put it all away
  27. We had nice visit, watching “her” cooking shows. Lucky me! (And her)
  28. I went to Weight Watchers meeting yesterday.
  29. It was great!
  30. So many people
  31. And so nice
  32. And I was one of the ones who helped a newcomer
  33. Such a nice leader
  34. Bought measuring cups and 2 spoons come with too
  35. Stayed in points yesterday.
  36. Practiced Rachmaninoff
  37. And Schumann
  38. Loved both
  39. Read a little
  40. Watched a little tv
  41. Overall healthy day
  42. Sick days with pay when needed
  43. Positive people
  44. Deep breaths
  45. Today’s readings that I did
  46. Today’s affirmations that I did
  47. Humor
  48. Laughter
  49. The Big Book
  50. other books
  51. When I was little, yoohoo from Noni and Papa Noni’s store
  52. And other treats
  53. And that my mother did limit us from taking advantage! lol
  54. My cousins. Including T
  55. K
  56. J
  57. L
  58. Lo
  59. B
  60. H
  61. S
  62. A (rip)
  63. P
  64. Mg
  65. Js
  66. C
  67. My Aunt L
  68. My Aunt J
  69. My Aunt Ju
  70. My Aunt M
  71. My Uncle C
  72. My Uncle J
  73. My Uncle G
  74. My Uncle je
  75. My Uncle M
  76. My Aunt R
  77. My Aunt H
  78. My Aunt Mi
  79. My aunt and uncle taking me in when my father died, for that month
  80. S.B.
  81. ML all those years
  82. That I remembered to buy bandaids yesterday.
  83. My antiques from my mother
  84. My mother’s laughter
  85. Poetry
  86. Paintings
  87. Stores
  88. Nature!
  89. Trails
  90. parks
  91. Oceans
  92. Dirt.
  93. Earth
  94. Sun
  95. Moobn
  96. Stars
  97. Solar System. Yes, really.
  98. So much help of every kind so readily available online and in person and in books and in so many ways. For all.
  99. I have Internet
  100. I have phones
  101. I have tvs
  102. I have books
  103. I have furniture