Journal Feb 28

First today, prayers:
God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help, of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always, amen.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Amen.

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is ecause I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.

I just meditated. It was so beautiful! Message: Just go about what you have to do, and be happy; enjoy the ~moment~! Gift: A smiley day. Thank You!

Affirmations Feb 28

Life is beautiful!
My life is so wonderful!
I enjoy ~perfect~ health!
I love my life so much!
I am so lucky!
I am so fortunate!

I am beautiful
I am loved
I am appreciated
My life is so full!

I am happy
I am fulfilled
I am so grateful!
This day is wonderful

All is perfect
The Universe is taking perfect care of me

Life is eternal and filled iwth joy.
I look forward to every moment.

Life is eternal and filled with joy.
I look forward to every moment.

Life is eternal and filled with joy.
I l0ok forward to every moment.

Life is eternal and filled with joy.
I look forward to every moment.

Life is eternal and filled with joy.
I looke forward to every moment.

Gratitudes Feb 28

  1. Yesterday, being cheerful, pleasant and kind to the students. Even Fe lol.
  2. N’s class coming in and us having a great time together
  3. And breathing together ❤
  4. The adults liking it too!
  5. Great eggs breakfast yesterday
  6. Decision to do celebration today together
  7. and piano one friday
  8. positivity!
  9. seeing Tr
  10. smiles in my classroom!! so many smiles!
  11. both classes LOVED the book! their faces were “oh wow!” the whole second half 🙂
  12. Slept long
  13. and well
  14. loved my reading
  15. nice moments with Jo
  16. It was either a year ago today or a year ago yesterday that I found my Higher Power!!!!!!! I don’t have to look up which – the point is, it is huge. HUGE. Absolutely life-changing! I am so grateful!
  17. My readings so far today. (I’ve done 4 of them).
  18. I awakened wishing for even more sleep and dreams, and tired. But very quickly felt better!
  19. That I post positive things on fb
  20. And help others
  21. That I really CAN make today anything I want to!
  22. That my parents suggested I take typing in high school. I was on the academic course, but they believed in “something to fall back on.” I don’t so much care about that particular concept, but I LOVE typing. And it DID come in hand a LOT throughout my life too. Still does.
  23. I hae found my spirituality anew and more positive than ever
  24. I smiled so much while I meditated just now! 🙂

Reading Feb 28

For Today:

It is in our faults and failings, not in our virtues, that we touch one another and find sympathy. Jerome K. Jerome

In my search for a cure for my illness, I encountered many fine doctors and others who were sincerely interested in helping me. And they did help: I lost weight. But when I regained the weight, I could only see my former helpers as superior beings with no discernible human failings to compare to mine.
In OS, my would-be helpers were, by their own admission, overeateres. In unmistakable terms, they described the compulsion, the fat, the shame, the despair – and the spiritual recovery. My own recovery began that day.
Today I know that I must give to another compulsive overeater in the same way that others gave to me: by first revealing my own failings.

For today: In sponsoring and twelfth-step work, I remember to talk about some of he defects I still have, as well as those that have been removed. A sponsor with no apparent faults needs help.

My takeaway: It is in our faults and failings, not in our virtues, that we touch one another and find sympathy. Yes!
Also – I can’t imagine ever doing 12th step work, but this kind of gives some instructions and helps me imagine it (and let go since I’m not there…:)

Voices of Recovery:

“Real humility about our character defects carries with its acceptance . . .” – The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, p. 61

One of the most wonderful gifts I have received in this program is accepting and even loving myself. This new attitude has made it possible for me to take an honest look at the make-up of my character.
In Steps Six and Seven I have learned to deal with my character defects. I know now that I don’t have to identify myself with my faults; I can make a mistake but that doesn’t mean that I am a mistake.
I can take responsibility for mistakes and character defects by being honest (and not judgmental) with myself and by asking my Higher Power for love and guidance and to help me surrender them to Him/Her. The change in me, which indeed does occur, has shown me once again that the secret of success lies in surrender.
For today I can ask my Higher Power for awareness of myself, along with the willingness to surrender and to let me be as I am supposed to be.

My takeaway: I love this: For today i can ask my Higher Power for awareness of myself, along with the willingness to surrender and to let me be as I am supposed to be.

DAILY REFLECTIONS:

OUR PATHS ARE OUR OWN

…there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 25

My first attempt at the Steps was one of obligation and necessity, which resulted in a deep feeling of discouragement in the face of all those adverbs: courageously; completely; humbly; directly; and only. I considered Bill W. fortunate to have gone through such a major, even sensational, spiritual experience. I had to discover, as time went on, that my path was my own. After a few twenty-four hours in the A.A. Fellowship, thanks especially to the sharing of members in the meetings, I understood that everyone gradually finds his or her own pace in moving through the Steps. Through progressive means, I try to live according to these suggested principles. As a result of these Steps, I can say today that my attitude towards life, people, and towards anything having to do with God, has been transformed and improved.

My takeaway: There IS nothing left but for me to start back on working the Steps every day, and getting a sponsor. So what if I get up at 4:30 am – it is worth it!

As Bill Sees It:

The Coming of Faith

In my own case, the foundation stone of freedom from fear is that of faith: a faith that, despite all worldly appearances to the contrary, causes me to believe that I live in a universe that makes sense.

To me, this means a belief in a Creator who is all power, justice, and love; a God who intends for me a purpose, a meaning, and a destiny to grow, however little and haltingly, toward His own likeness and image. Before the coming of faith I had lived as an alien in a cosmos that too often seemed both hostile and cruel. In it there could be no inner security for me.

“When I was driven to my knees by alcohol, I was made ready to ask for the gift of faith. And all was changed. Never again, my pains and problems notwithstanding, would I experience my former desolation. I saw the universe to be lighted by God’s love; I was alone no more.”

My takeaway: Well, I do NOT believe that the universe makes sense so to speak. I mean, in a way yes, but I believe there is a randomness… But that’s okay! I am part of MY Higher Power, which is a creative force (though not personified) of goodness, light, and love. And joy. And I can tap into that at any time. At ALL times!
I am so grateful!

How to Sit:

Journal Feb 27

First, prayers: God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help, of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always, amen.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Amen.
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober. Unless I accept life completely on life’s term, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. Amen.

So I’m going back to work today, and I’d rather lie around reading my book all day, but the truth is that’s not really how I spend my days off anyway.
And – work is SO good for me.
It’s like the anti-depressant.

Gratitudes Feb 27

  1. I woke up today!
  2. With heat on!
  3. I enjoyed the red carpet last night.
  4. My toilet works.
  5. I had set up the coffee before bed.
  6. It is ready for me just in perfect time this morning.
  7. I am positive now! Yay! Almost ALL the time!
  8. I am so grateful for my abundant health! I don’t have any real restrictions on what I can eat, like no salt or no cholesterol or whatever.
  9. So much more healthily than I used to!
  10. Slept
  11. Interesting dreams
  12. Cooked roasted vegetables yesterday.
  13. And “pasta bake” (healthy way though)
  14. Did 2 loads of laundry. All done.
  15. Ran dishwasher.
  16. Will see the kiddies today; school’s reopened.
  17. I’m so grateful that i don’t resent the job anymore, but appreciate and even cherish it. And enjoy it. And it is so good for me too.
  18. I folded and put away the clothes. (Others are hanging and wouldn’t have been dry ’til this morning, and towels things are in dryer).
  19. My breath. My precious beautiful breath. That comes easily to me and deep and refreshing. I remember when I struggled so for it.
  20. That I’m prepared for today at work, even with schedule on board:)
  21. Less stress! (And I believe stress or less of it is all internal)
  22. That I pee fine. I know some people have struggles with this.
  23. That i can speak. I couldn’t at one time, for the better part of 8 months!
  24. I will go to bed early tonight – I didn’t fall asleep early enough last night, and am tired. But I have that option to sleep early!
  25. Maybe I’ll even stay at work ’til almost 5, and go to an extra WW meeting:) –
  26. And – while there, I’ll pick up that treat for M!
  27. I love that I am generous. I’m so grateful for that!
  28. Oh my gosh, the amount of smiling I do now!
  29. That I will see Tr today. I’ve missed her.
  30. I’m so glad we’re friends now!
  31. What I just read in “How to Love” (TNH)
  32. Hearing from D. yesterday. It came at a good time.
  33. My house is clean.
  34. No visual clutter!!
  35. Even drawers!
  36. So grateful that I finally DID (almost all of) what I’d said on other vacas I was going to do, about the clutter.
  37. Every positive influence in my life. Including M
  38. and Jl
  39. and WW
  40. And OA
  41. The WW leaders I frequent, C
  42. and N
  43. I’m grateful that the weather is like it is
  44. And the colors of the sunrise this morning from my window. Well, this window faces west lol but it’s still pretty at sunrise even though not watching the actual rise
  45. Music
  46. Books
  47. Reading at night
  48. My bed
  49. My covers
  50. Comfort
  51. My soft jammies
  52. my soft robes
  53. new socks. Ahh
  54. That I showered last NIGHT
  55. I so grateful for my hands
  56. I am grateful for humour. Mine and others’
  57. I am grateful that I’m a teacher
  58. I am graeful that i can drive
  59. and have a license
  60. And a car
  61. I’m grateful that i went out at 8 am or so yesterday to do my own shopping at the health food store.
  62. And later did my mother’s
  63. And took Jl so she could do heres
  64. And may have settled the breakfast issue over there
  65. That I have my little routines now
  66. And that they’re not deadening
  67. my pretty living room
  68. My piano
  69. Laughter with the kids
  70. Smiles with the kids
  71. My eating journal
  72. White waste basket liners. They look/feel better to me than tan
  73. A in my life
  74. And Jo in my life
  75. I will have time to eat breakfast, make lunch, care for birds, and make bed
  76. That I take care of my face now
  77. Some products
  78. and some makeup
  79. Temporary tattoos 🙂
  80. That I don’t read or watch stuff that will put negatives into my brain now.
  81. That I DO my “morning work” every morning now!
  82. That I actually ~enjoy~ it! – It is NOT like, “I have to do this to feel less bad,” or even, “I have to do this to feel better later.” It is, “Oooh – I will enjoy this now! AND – feel better for it TOO!” 🙂 🙂 🙂
  83. free range organic eggs (for now)
  84. whole wheat and whole grain English muffins
  85. water. Water water water
  86. cinammon
  87. Turmeric, may I find more ways to have it. Or even pill…
  88. mustard
  89. My ability to walk. I love it. I love walking.
  90. My feet are getting better.
  91. My vision is clear.
  92. My l.r. sofa
  93. an loveseat, which I love lying on; it is just the right size for me
  94. My bathtub
  95. and shower
  96. and hairbrush. Yes, really
  97. My hair
  98. My eyes
  99. My lips
  100. My lipsense lipstick.

Readings Feb 27

For Today:

To persevere, trusting in what hopes one has, is courage. The coward despairs. Euripeds

There is a time for sadness and regrets, but it is one thing to mourn and quite another to refuse to go on. Before the program of OA I had no path to follow. There was no end of misery in sight. Today I have a way to go, people to be with, a sponsor to guide me. I may not feel like doing anything, but I know now that the answer is action, just as it was when I walked into my first meeting. God gives me the courage to trust, to take that first step, to reach out to a friend.

For today: With abstinence, and the support of OA, I have the courage to live.

My takeaway: Action.

Voices of Recovery:

“Unity does not mean uniformity. In OA we learn we can disagree with other people on important issues and still be supportive friends.” – The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonyous, p. 115

Service in Overeaters Anonyous has taught me many things. Perhaps the most important is that I can love and respect someone with a different point of view. We are members of the same Fellowship; we share the same compulsion. We are both trying to do what is best for OA, and we can “agree to disagree.” Through OA I’ve learned that we can have different viewpoints on an issue without jeopardizing our friendship. Just because someone disagrees with me doesn’t mean that person doesn’t love me or want my friendship. I don’t have to take it personally. Our group conscience decides an issue. If I don’t agree with the decision by group conscience. I can nevertheless learn to live with it. I trust that others also have the good of OA as a whole in mind, and I can learn something. I can learn that not only are there other views that mine, but that they may be right.

My takeaway: Yes, I’m having lessons in the car lately… 🙂

DAILY REFLECTIONS:

Some of us won’t believe in God, others can’t, and still others who do believe that God exists have no faith whatever He will perform this miracle. – Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 25

It was the changes I saw in the new people who came into the Fellowship that helped me lose my fear, and change my negative attitude to a positive one. I could see the love in their eyes and I was impressed by how much their “One Day at a Time” sobriety meant to them. They had looked squarely at Step Two and came to believe that a power greater than themselves was restoring them to sanity. That gave me faith in the Fellowship, and hope that it could work for me too. I found that God was a loving God, not that punishing God I feared before coming to A.A. I also found that He had been with me during all those times I had been in trouble before I came to A.A. I know today that He was the one who led me to A.A. and that I am a miracle.

My takeaway: My Higher Power is loving. All goodness, light, life, and joy. And wants same to me. A nature, universe, spirit of all good Higher Power. I am so grateful.

As Bill Sees It:

Out of Defeat . . . Strength

If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that some day we will be immune to alcohol.

Such is the paradox of A.A. regeneration: strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, the loss of one’s old life as a condition for finding a new one.

My takeaway: Okay yes.

How to Sit:

WHAT IS ESSENTIAL

What is essential is to train to sit quietly and mindfully. The more you train yourself, the more you can reach the deeper aspect of what you are thinking and feeling. You might think: “I’m bored!” “This is stupid.” “I need to do something else right this minute.” There may be old habits and old stories that are creating those thoughts and those feelings. What is getting in the way of your being able to experience the present moment? Keep breathing. Keep sitting. This is the practice.

My takeaway: Keep breathing. Keep sitting.
! 🙂

How to Love:

A DEEP THIRST

Sometimes we feel empty, we feel a vacuum, a great lack of something. We don’t know the cause; it’s very vague, but that feeling of being empty inside is very strong. We expect and hope for something much better so we’ll feel less alone, less empty. The desire to understand ourselves and to understand life is a deep thirst. There’s also the deep thirst to be loved and to love. We are ready to love and be loved. It’s very natural. But because we feel empty, we try to find an object of our love. Sometimes we haven’t had the time to understand ourselves, yet we’ve already found the object of our love. When we realize that all our hopes and expectations of course can’t be fulfilled by that person, we continue to feel empty. You want to find something, but you don’t know what to search for. In everyone there’s a continuous desire and expectation; deep inside, you still expect something better to happen. That is why you check your email many times a day!

My takeaway: Wow! Me! “Sometimes we haven’t had the time to understand ourselves, yet we’ve already found the object of our love. When we realize that all our hopes and expectations of course can’t be fulfilled by that person, we continue to feel empty. You want to find something, but you don’t know what to search for. In everyone there’s a continuous desire and expectation; deep inside, you still expect something better to happen. ” This was really me.
And I’m glad it wasn’t ONLY me. It is human condition maybe, until we know better. I know so much better now. Not 100% but so much!

How to Eat:

BOUND BY A HUNDERD STRINGS

Eating is a practice. The practice must be nourishing for us, for our bodies, and also for our minds. If you eat but you are bound by a hundred strings of worries, anger, irritation, stress, and projects, then these one hundred strings are pulling you in one hundred directions. Your food and your experience of eating will be empty and worthless. So you have to plan properly and have the intention that whenever you eat, you eat in freedom.

My takeaway: Wow, that caused a deep sigh-breath of relief. Eat. In. Freedom. Ahhh.

How to Walk:

LISTEN TO YOUR LUNGS

Let your own lungs determine your breathing. Never force your breath. When walking, match your steps to your breath, not the other way around. you might begin by taking two steps for your in-breath, and three steps for your out-breath. If, as you continue to walk, your lungs say they’d be happier making three steps while breathing in and five steps while breathing out, then you make three steps and five steps. Of course when you’re climbing a hill, the number of steps you can take with each breath will naturally be reduced. In walking meditation, I notice I usually breathe in for four steps and breathe out for six. But when I climb, I do two steps for each in-breath and three for each out-breath. When it’s very steep, I sometimes do one step for every breath in and three, two, or even one for every breath out. We have to adapt. Listening to your body as you walk will help make every step pleasant.

My takeaway: I love this. On various levels. That he tells us specifically what *he* does. And that, since that day long ago when I did qui gong, I have felt bad that my out-breaths are longer than my in-breaths. I wish I hadn’t wasted all that time feeling bad. AND – HE does it too! Also, to listen to my body. It’s very calming.

How to Relax:

HAPPINESS AND AWARENESS

Please do not think we must be solemn in order to meditate. Whether or not we are happy depends on our awareness. When you have a toothache, you think that not having a toothache will make you very happy. But when you don’t have a toothache, often you are still not happy. All of us have the capacity of transforming neutral feelings into pleasant feelings. If you’re rested and relaxed, all living beings will profit from your relaxation and energy. This is the most basic kind of peace work.

My takeaway: “If you’re rested and relaxed, all living beings will profit from your relaxation and energy. This is the most basic kind of peace work.” Oh, I ~love~ this!

~~