Readings March 29

How to Love:

NOURISHING YOUR DEEPEST DESIRE

The third nutriment is volition. This is your desire, your hope, your aspiration. It’s the energy that keeps you alive. You want to be someone. You want to do something with your life. If you’re motivated by compassion and love, your volition will give you the energy and direction to grow and become even more loving and compassionate.Hhowever, if your desire is to possess or to win at all costs, this kind of volition is toxic and will not help your love to grow. You can practice developing a strong and positive volition. You can even put your commitment in words,such as: “I vow to develop understanding and compassion in me, so I can become an instrument of peace and love, to help society and the world.” This kind of intention is based in our deepest aspiration.

My takeaway: I think this is my favorite page of the book! (so far)

How to Sit:

WE ARE A STREAM

Even when you think you are sitting alone, your ancestors are sitting with you. Your parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents, whether you knew them or not, are there inside of you. Acknowledge them and invite them to breathe with you: “Dear Father, these are my lungs, and they’re also your lungs. I know that you are in every cell in my body.” Breathing in, you can say, “Mother, I invite you to breathe in and out with me.” In every cell of your body, your ancestors are there. You can invite all your ancestors to enjoy breathing in and out with you. You are not an isolated being. You are made of ancestors. When you breathe out calmly, all your ancestors in you breathe out calmly. When they were alive, they might not have had a chance to sit mindfully and breathe peacefully. But now, in you, they have that chance. There is no separate self. Ww are a current. We are a stream. WE are a continuation.

My takeaway: Good. I think i get it now.

How to Eat:

SNACKING

If we are hungry, a little snack can be very satisfying. But often we develop a habit of eating a snack whenever we feel loneliness or anxiety A mindful breath is a good way for your body to “snack” on some mindfulness and recognize and embrace strong feelings that may be there. After a mindful breath, you may have less desire to go and fill up with a snack to distract yourself. your body is nourished by your breath.

My takeaway! Wow! Yes! Wow! Great idea – I’ve never tried it. Will now!

How to Walk:

MORNING WALK

Every morning when I wake up and get dressed, I leave my hut and take a walk. Usually the sky is still dark and I walk gently, aware of nature all around me and the fading stars. When I think of the Earth and my ability to walk on it, I think, “I’m going to go out into nature, enjoying everything beautiful, enjoying all its wonders.” My heart is filled with joy.

My takeaway: How beautiful, how beautiful, how beautiful!

How to Relax:

DON’T BE TOO BUSY

As you go about your daily activities, do you feel you’re lacking something? As you wash the dishes, cook a meal, clean the kitchen, while you walk, stand, sit, or lie down, what are you looking for? There’s no business for you to take care of. You’re free; there’s nothing to do or to run after. Perhaps you’re seeking something, calculating, or feeling agitated. your feet and hands may always think they have to be doing something. When you do sitting or walking meditation, don’t put too much effort into it. You’re not trying to attain something. Meditation shouldn’t be hard labor. The principle is to be ordinary, not to be too busy. We just live in a normal way. When we eat, we just eat; we don’t speak. If we need to urinate, we urinate. If we’re tired, then we can rest.

My takeaway: Love love love this! “Meditation shouldn’t be hard labor.” Be ordinary. ***Not lacking something!!!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

~~

 

Journal March 29

Oh my gosh HUGE!
My life is back
and
at the same time:
My life is new!

I LOVE the things I’m doing in life. I love my reading (again), my work (finally), piano (again from recent years), sleep (mostly pleasant, and interesting dreams), my morning work (pleasant rather than desperate like few years ago), my days – my life.
   And new = I feel like I always WANTED to feel – how I thought I was seeing OTHERS feel in the TWENTIES! – Like, I DO things, I function, it all feels normal and even good, I am just – ok inside.
   I had given up on this. Thought it’s just not in life for me. And it’s here now! And lasting! SO SO SO grateful!


Prayers now:
God, I offer myself to Thee. To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help, of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always, amen.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Amen.

~~

Readings March 28

For Today:

On action alone by they interest, never on its fruits. Bhagavad Gita

Why am i still obsessed with weight? I’m abstaining, I’m trying to work the steps; but I can’t give up the scale. I’m terrified to stop the constant monitoring of my weight. What if I gain? How will I know it if I don’t weight?
The problem is, I’m trying to work this program without giving up control. But is that possible? The first three steps make it clear that those who wrote them, and millions who followed, proved they could only recover by letting a Power outside themselves regulate their unmanageable lives.
If I say I have faith in a Higher Power, I can take the next step and turn my weight over th toath Power, I can concentrate on taking the action – abstaining and working the steps – and leave the results to God.

For today: If I stop “supervising” my weight loss, it will be taken care of – in God’s time. I pray for the willingness to do that.

My takeaway: I’m not there.
And – Need to take home my Thich Nhat Hanh books!

Voices of Recovery:

“As we have dealt lovingly with every person in our lives, our spiritual awakening has become a reality.” – The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, p. 81

One of the major results of working Step Nine is intimacy. Sometimes, because of the openness and vulnerability that are inherent in performing Step Nine work, I am communicating on a more intimate level with the person involved. At all times, because I am so grounded and open and willing to take risks, I am having conversations with my soul. I am more intimate with myself – that part of me which operates at a higher level, that part which coexists with my Higher Power.
Step work is entwined with the awareness of intimacy with my Higher Power, with others, with myself. Perhaps this is the reason the entire process is important, not simply the results.

My takeaway: This will sound terrible but, can’t i just keep doing it without the formality of the steps. My understanding of the other – the original program – A.A. – is that it was a quick get through and change first time steps – like all 12 in a month. I like the Steps – it’s the craziness of individual sponsors that gets to me. I’ve tried, B twice, D twice, L, A, S, E. Sponsors are also people with a disease and they interpret things THEIR way and can complicate things terribly… I don’t know…

As Bill Sees It:

Thousands of “Founders”

“While I thank God that I was privileged to be an early member of A.A., I honestly wish that the word ‘founder’ could be eliminated from the A.A. vocabulary.

“When you get right down to it, everyone who has done any amount of successful Twelfth Step work is bound to be the founder of a new life for other alcoholics.”

“A.A. was not invented! its basics were brought to us through the experience and wisdom of many great friends. We simply borrowed and adapted their ideas.”

“Thankfully, we have accepted the devoted services of many nonalcoholics. We owe our very lives to the men and women of medicine and religion. And, speaking for Dr. Bob and myself, I gratefully declare that had it not been for our wives, Anne and Lois, neither of us could have lived to see A.A’s beginning.”

My takeaway: Nice

DAILY REFLECTIONS:

TRUSTED SERVANTS

They are servants. Theirs is the sometimes thankless privilege of doing the group’s chores. Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 134

In Zorba the Greek, Nikos Kazantzakis describes an encounter between his principal character an an old man busily at work planting a tree. “What is it you are doing?” Zorba asks. The old man replies: “You can see very well what I’m doing, my son, I’m planting a tree.” “But why plant a tree,” Zorba asks, “if you won’t be able to see it bear fruit?” And the old man answers: “I, my son, live as thought I were never going to die.” The response brings a faint smile to Zorba’s lips and, as he walks away, he exclaims with a note of irony: “How strange – I live as though I were going to die tomorrow!”
As a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have found that the Third Legacy is a fertile soil in which to plant the tree of my sobriety. The fruits I harvest are wonderful: peace, security, understanding and twenty-four hours of eternal fulfillment; and with the soundness of mind to listen to the voice of my conscience when, in silence, it gently speaks to me, saying: You must let go in service. There are others who must plant and harvest.

My takeaway: twenty-four hours of eternal fulfillment – I love that!

~~

 

 

 

Journal March 28

First, Prayers:
God, I offer myself to Thee. To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help, of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always. Amen.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Amen.

Meditation today:

Joyful body
Compassionate loving heart
Reflective alert mind
Lightness of being.
— Ahhh. I liked this one. Didn’t get ALL the words, but these were – enough ❤
Lightness of being ahhhh

So I feel good right now. Forgot to meditate yesterday morning. So glad did this now. Maybe is good that my “usual” one wouldn’t work on the laptop this morning. Because I got introduced to this nice one too.

🙂

Affirmations March 28

Life is eternal and filled with joy.
I look forward to every moment.

Life is eternal and filled with joy.
I look forward to every minute.

Life is eternal and filled with joy.
I look forward to every minute.

Life is eternal and filled with joy.
I look forward to every minute.

Life is eternal and filled with joy.
I look forward to every minute.

Life is a miracle.
My life is a miracle.
Life is a gift.
My life is a gift.
I love everything in and about my life!

I am smart.
I am pretty.
I am sexy.
I am lovable.
I am happy.
I am fulfilled.
I am loved.
I am desired.
I am enough.
Thank You Thank You Thank You!

Journal March 27

First my prayers:
God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help, of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life .May I do Thy will always, amen.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things i can, and wisdom to know the difference. Amen.

 

Gratitudes March 27

  1. I am not nauseous now this morning!
  2. I am not dizzy now this morning!
  3. I did the straightening yesterday!
  4. I am strong enough to do what I have to do re: Jo. It is hard, but I can do it!
  5. I am partially pulled by the feeling, “Ohhh:( Monday. I just want to stay in my jammies and read and watch tv and chill.” BUT – the bigger part is saying, “Yay! I have my job to go to!” Thankful for THAT.
  6. I am so happy walking through my pretty little house. It is very little, but really, more than 1 person needs. And it is – *good enough* plus some! I worked VERY hard and went through a LOT to get it, and I’m so grateful to be enjoying it now.
  7. My eyes
  8. I have today planned. So when I go in, it’s all ready.
  9. I love that Tr is in my room!
  10. And I think I have finally begun to help F a little (student)
  11. Will make sure we have fun today.
  12. I love my WW charm holder with the 2 charms on it.
  13. And my stickers. yes, really.
  14. We have library today. I love that.
  15. I am grateful for my WW journal
  16. I am grateful that I think Jo will have someone to fix my car for not too much money
  17. I am grateful for my health!
  18. I am grateful to not have pain in my gum, and I’m not even on motrin now! Yay!
  19. I am grateful to be finished with the penicillin
  20. I am grateful that we will have follow up visit Fri
  21. and then I’ll get the root canals done.
  22. And I can do it. I’ve proven that! 🙂
  23. and then that will all be over:)
  24. So grateful that my mother has just had FOUR good days!
  25. So grateful that her new aide is kind and calm and smart. Phew!!!
  26. So grateful for my new pocket book lol but really.
  27. Grateful that I’m in this career I’m in.
  28. Grateful for people who help me.
  29. Grateful for people I help.
  30. I am SOOOO grateful that i no longer want to die
  31. and no longer have to pray to not hurt myself! This is HUGE! Thank You!
  32. Today’s readings. I got something from each one!
  33. I am grateful for my WW journal
  34. And leader
  35. and Jl’s friendship
  36. and Tr’s friendship
  37. and Jo’s friendship!
  38. And J’s friendship!
  39. And J’s offer to help me during the snow under two weeks ago!
  40. So grateful that I have a cleaning lady
  41. and that I type so well and love typing.

Readings March 27

For Today:

We feel and weigh soon enough what we suffer from others; but how much others suffer from us, of this we take no heed. Thomas a Kempis

Do I have two sets of rules: one for me, another for you? A double standard allows me to rationalize and excuse my behavior. Other people’s rules – well, they ought to know better. People know how sensitive I am, how hurt I’ll be.
When I use others to vent my misery, I am acting in the same sick way I did when I was practicing my compulsion. Those who love me unconditionally will forgive me, but I do myself no favors by whitewashing the matter and letting the real problem go unattended. The outlook for recovery begins to brighten when I can say, “If I make allowances for myself, I will also make allowances for you.” With progress toward sanity and balance, each of us can treat the other as we want to be treated.
For today: When I start to rationalize some shady behavior, I ask myself, “If someone else did the, would I make the same excuse?”

My takeaway: That quote, omg! May I never do that again xo.
And the rest: Yes. I came to realize I must make the same allowances for myself I would make for others. But – was I REALLY always making them for others?! A lot to learn. May I have thoroughly learned that NOW!
🙂

Voices of Recovery:

“Black-and-white thinking was one way I made my life unmanageable. Seeing the world in extremes kept me from  people and from myself. Most of all, it kept me from having an intimate relationship with my Higher Power.” – Abstinence, First Edition p. 106

I have spent most of my life looking at myself and everyone else with a black-or-white check list. I allowed no gray areas, especially for myself. My greatest fear was that other would see my large black list and realize what a failure I was. This kept me from being close to others. I went out of my way to be friendly but ran from attachment and closeness because I feared the rejection that would surely follow.
In OA I realize that I am not the only one who is imperfect. OA members, friends outside OA, and God – especially God – accept me as I am. In God, I have a loving and forgiving teacher who also guides me to the better way.
This has led me out of the black hole of fear and toward the bright white light. Thank you, OA!

My takeaway: Omg yes, I used to be so black-and-white in my thinking! “Feared the rejection that would surely follow.” These are really speaking to me today, wow.
AND may I accept myself AND OTHERS as God accepts me. Amen.

As Bill Sees It:

For Emergencies Only?

Whether we had been believers or unbelievers, we began to get over the idea that the Higher Power was a sort of bush-league pinch hitter, to be called upon only in an emergency.

The notion that we would still live our own lives, God helping a little now and then, began to evaporate. Many of us who had thought ourselves religious awoke to the limitations of this attitude. Refusing to place God first, we had deprived ourselves of His help.

But now the world “Of myself I am nothing, the Father doeth the works” began to carry bright promise and meaning.

My takeaway: Refusing to put my Higher Power first, I had deprived myself of His help.” Amen. May I continue to start each day in the loving arms – and guidance – of my Higher Power. Amen.

DAILY REFLECTIONS:

A.A.’s FREEDOMS

We trust that we already know what our several freedoms truly are; that no future generation of AAs will ever feel compelled to limit them. Our AA freedoms create the soil in which genuine love, can grow .  The Language of the Heart, p. 303

I craved freedom. First, freedom to drink; later, freedom from drink. The A.A. program of recovery rests on a foundation of free choice. There are no mandates, laws or commandments. A.A.’s spiritual program, as outlined in the Twelve Steps, and by which I am offered even greater freedoms, is only suggested. I can take it or leave it. Sponsorship is offered, not forced, and I come and go as I will. It is these and other freedoms that allow me to recapture the dignity that was crushed by the burden of drink, and which is so dearly needed to support an enduring sobriety.”

My takeaway: The dignity. I love having dignity. May I always behave in it. xoxo

~~

 

Affirmations March 27

I have enough.
I am enough.
My life is awesome!
My whole life is a magical miracle of God!

Life is eternal and filled with joy.
I look forward to every moment.

Life is eternal and filled with joy.
I look forward to every moment.

Life is eternal and filled with joy.
I look forward to every moment.

Life is eternal and filled with joy.
I look forward to every moment.

Life is eternal and filled with joy.
I look forward to every moment.

I am competent.
I am confident.
I am beautiful.
I am smart.
I am happy.
I am fulfilled!
I am so fortunate!

All is perfect in my world!

Journal March 26

Nauseous and dizzy last night and early this morning.
I admit, it had me worried: Oh no, I shouldn’t have gotten the donor bone graft….
But I’m feeling a bit better physically and a lot better emotionally now! Phew.

Concert was so good. Was hard for me because didn’t feel well but got through.

Have now called Jo twice – and he hasn’t called back. I don’t like that. I don’t like it if he doesn’t feel well or something is wrong. And I don’t like it that it might just be not even for that…

Prayers:
God, I offer myself to Thee. to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the burden of self, that I may better do Thy wll. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help, of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy Will always, amen.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference, amen.

I must do laundry. Glad not too dizzy to do it!

Might be back later.

~~