Month: June 2017

Readings June 30

As Bill Sees It:

Anger – Personal and Group Enemy

“As the book ‘Alcoholics Anonymous’ puts it, ‘Resentment is the Number One offender.’ It is a primary cause of relapses into drinking. How well we of A.A. know that for us ‘To drink is eventually to go mad or die.’

“Much the same penalty overhangs evey A.A. group. Given enough anger, both unity and purpose are lost. Given still more ‘righteous’ indignation, the group can disintegrate; it can actually die. This is why we avoid controversy. This is why we prescribe no punishments for any misbehavior, no matter how grievous. Indeed, no alcoholic can be deprived of his membership for any reason whatever.

“Punishment never heals. Only love can heal.”

My takeaway: I have had troubles with someone who’s been snotty to me 3 times now, and I don’t know why. And with someone who is aggressive with me but others see that she is to them too. But “principles above personalities.” And for the group to live…. Thank you for this reading today:)

 

Must Find Time for Some Gratitudes Morning June 30

  1. I’m grateful for M
  2. and that we are back friends like sisters
  3. I’m grateful for Jo!
  4. I’m grateful for Tr!
  5. I’m grateful for A!
  6. I’m grateful that A’s health is better! Thank You, God and Universe!
  7. And thank you, his scientific mind for figuring out what needed to be done.
  8. I’m grateful for D
  9. I’m grateful for St
  10. I’m grateful for K
  11. I’m grateful for O
  12. I’m grateful for my mother!
  13. and that she has help!
  14. Her help Ma
  15. Her help Fa
  16. Her temporary help Ly
  17. I’m grateful for L
  18. I’m grateful for KC
  19. I’m grateful for KB
  20. I’m grateful for KG
  21. I’m grateful for JL
  22. Wow, that’s a lot of people to be grateful for! And for B
  23. and the students I had this year.
  24. I’m grateful for my eyesight
  25. my hearing
  26. my ability to speak
  27. my ability to walk
  28. my ability to drive
  29. I’m grateful for my house
  30. that I’m finally getting the bathroom done
  31. and the retaining wall
  32. I’m grateful for my car
  33. for my abilities
  34. for my lack of phobias now
  35. for my ability to type
  36. and play piano
  37. and crochet
  38. I’m grateful that I went to oa yesterday
  39. and will go to ww tomorrow
  40. I’m grateful that my legs work
  41. and for my clothes
  42. and that I finally did the laundry yesterday
  43. I’m grateful that Z was here cleaning the day before yesterday
  44. I’m grateful that I have plans every day so far. No sinking…
  45. I’m grateful that I WILL work out the mattress situation.
  46. I’m grateful for my new vegan cookbooks
  47. and my wonderful health food store
  48. I’m grateful for greens
  49. and broccoli
  50. and how they help my emotions.

Affirmations June 30

I have a sister from another mother
I have family
I have my mother
I have cousins
I have Jo
I have St
I have Tr
I have others
I am pure and good
If someone doesn’t like me, it’s okay.
Most people do like me.

I am nice.
I am funny.
I am intelligent.
I am kind.
I am competent.
I am confident.
I am emotionally healthy.
I am physically healthy.

I have the perfect life!

I am so fulfilled!

Life is eternal and filled with joy. I am grateful for every moment. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I am grateful for every moment. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I am grateful for every moment. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I am grateful for every moment. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I am grateful for every moment. I look forward to every moment.

!

Journal June 30

I forgot to bring my mother eggs yesterday:(  Will do today. First is oral surgeon. Jo and city inspector will be here looking at wall while I’m gone. Also forgot yesterday that need toilet, when selecting tiles for bathroom I’ve been waiting decades to do (have only 1 and it is small). Must do that.
Feeling a bit overdone—
So let’s see – today I’ll:
*shower now and go to oral surgeon
*pick up eggs and visit mother
*that will be like noon now
*come here and crochet or do oa work – I’ve taken on these TWO projects
* leave at 4:30 to go to M’s. Yay.
Okay. Good. Good day. Okay.
Prayers in car. Read aloud 5 Mindfulness Trainings when anyone can!

Gratitudes June 29

  1. This whole day is entirely mine. I “have to” visit my mother, yes, but that’s good. And I can do WHATEVER I want with the rest of it! : I can sit here and do nothing.
  2. I can walk at mall.
  3. I can go to park.
  4. I can go to beach.
  5. I can go to movie.
  6. I can go through my THREE new vegan cookbooks.
  7. I can crochet and watch tv I can put on a movie here.
  8. I can work out.
  9. I can take a luxury bath.
  10. Or a regular even quick shower. My choice.
  11. I can put on a movie here.
  12. I can practice piano.
  13. I can play with the birds.
  14. I can practice French.
  15. I can go buy cosmetics I’m out of.
  16. I can go buy clothes.
  17. I can clean a drawer or closet or cabinet (some need a touch of reorg).
  18. I can do planning for work.
  19. I can read.
  20. I can embroider.
  21. I can nap.
  22. I can go to ww.
  23. I can go to oa.
  24. I can sit out back (they did clean-up yesterday too).
  25. I can buy more groceries.
  26. I can cook.
  27. Hell, I could pig out (won’t) or go away (won’t). Really anything! Lucky me!
  28. I just ate veggies and rice for brunch. Zucchini, cauliflower, carrots, onions, red peppers… Great meal.
  29. I am so so so grateful for my health. I mean, I know friends who are getting infusions or chemo, and I am just free physically right now. I mean, I have had my health challenges; we all have or will or both. But today, none.
  30. I am grateful, so grateful for friends: M irl
  31. K irl
  32. Tr irl
  33. B irl
  34. MT irl
  35. Ak irl
  36. KC online
  37. D irl
  38. St irl
  39. O irl
  40. A online
  41. Jo irl
  42. D irl
  43. KB irl. Wow. Lucky me.
  44. I am so grateful for hearing my birds right now
  45. and that they just flew through the living room.
  46. I am so grateful for the good days my mother has
  47. I am so grateful that the teeth breaking dream was just a dream!
  48. I am grateful for the look of these drying yellow and red mini-roses I’m looking at right now.
  49. I’m grateful that the inspector finally contacted and will come tomorrow so we can move on that wall.
  50. I’m grateful that I can see!!!!!!
  51. I’m grateful fro my piano
  52. I’m so grateful for water
  53. I’m so grateful that Z came yesterday and cleaned and windows too ❤
  54. I’m so grateful that Jo is back phew
  55. And that he just called
  56. and I called bathroom tile people
  57. we should be able to go in 4 weeks (cause vanity takes that long)
  58. I am so grateful that i can walk. I walk through the house. I walk at work. I walk outside. I can walk on sand. I can walk barefoot on earth. I can walk! There was a time after injury when I couldn’t. I appreciate it so!
  59. I’m so grateful that i can breathe. I remember when I struggled with breath
  60. I’m so grateful for my years of closeness with MA. RIP, Friend.
  61. I am so grateful that i just did laundry! Was days late so it was a lot – but I did it! yay!
  62. Feelings of acomplishment. Grateful for those.
  63. Window open
  64. Lovely little breeze
  65. Nice temperature
  66. Interesting dreams
  67. Enjoying this day so far (11:30 am) Very very grateful for that. I remember when days off were torture.
  68. That i am compassionate
  69. That I try to be helpful
  70. Tv. I know – it’s the opposite of mindfulness, but it helps me. I can get anything done if tv is on
  71. That I don’t suffer over paying bis now. Earlier this very school year I really did! It has become routine now.
  72. I. Am. Okay. I really am.
  73. The play gym for the birdies
  74. pellets for them
  75. Pellet berries as treat for them
  76. Nutriberries as treat for them
  77. Avi cakes as treats for them – will get more
  78. fresh leafy organic greens for them
  79. millet for them – will get more
  80. ok so i spoke with tile guy. it is a 4 week wait. that’s ok
  81. plus i have to go up there because I don’t understand wth the papers mean – i (and he) have tile confusion. But the gratitude is that it’s about redoing a bathroom! it’s not an emergency. it’s all good…
  82. I am so grateful for every time i don’t overeat.
  83. I am grateful for tea.
  84. I am grateful for beachbody workouts
  85. I am grateful for my little house
  86. and my piano
  87. and my kitchen
  88. and that it is clean and in order, the house
  89. and my basement, where laundry is
  90. and my attic – where absolutely nothing is. Not one item. Broomswept. (It is a climb up stairs uplled down over basement stairs attic and I don’t use it so it is wonderful that I have had it totally cleaned out! – Also – l.r. ceiling was starting to break! Now all fixed.)
  91. I am so grateful to be sitting here just fine. And about to make a cup of tea. With Dr. Phil on tv.
  92. I am so grateful that I have good “body image” oa meeting today
  93. and the newcomer yesterday at the meeting
  94. I am grateful fro T..A. who helps people (bb)
  95. and J. H. who helps peple (bb)
  96. And S. E. who helps people (bb)
  97. and M C (oa) who helps people.
  98. I am so grateful to be alive this day. I remember when I wasn’t. I am SO grateful for a day of life!
  99. And very very very grateful to BE grateful for it. Because I used to wake up, “Oh fuck, I woke up.” And now I wake up, “Thank you!”
  100. I am so grateful that I got the job I got
  101. and my first principal there at the other school in my district.
  102. and the second one too.
  103. and the first one at this school in some ways
  104. and this one now

Thank You Thank You Thank You

And 105. Deep deep breath. Contentment. Thank You.

Affirmations June 29

I am wonderfully happy and fulfilled!
I love all my hobbies.
I love my family.
I love my friends.
There are so many loving people in my life!
All is perfect in my world

Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.

Journal

Visited mother yesterday. Good.
Went to oa. Good. I was able to help someone else, and she was able to help me. Nice.
Also meditated for 5 minutes with them. LOVE that!
Contacted M this morning. Making peace… Is good for ME too, it turns out ❤

Prayers ongoing. 3rd step, serenity, and ACTS prayers

Readings June 29

DAILY REFLECTIONS:

A RIPPLING EFFECT

Having learned to live so happily, we’d show everyone else how . . . Yes, we of A.A. did dream those dreams. How natural that was, since most alcoholics are bankrupt idealists . . . So why shouldn’t we share our way of life with everyone? Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 156

The great discovery of sobriety led me feel  the need to spread the “good news” to the world around me. The grandiose thoughts of my drinking days returned. Later I learned that concentrating on my own recovery was a full-time process. As I became a sober citizen in this world, I observed a rippling effect which, without any conscious effort on my part reached any “related facility or outside enterprise” without diverting me from my primary purpose of staying sober and helping other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.

My takeaway: Yes. I must keep my ego in check.
(And especially my judgmentalism)

—

For Today:

Many people today don’t want honest answers insofar as honest means unpleasant or disturbing. They want a soft answer that turneth away anxiety. Louis Kronenberger

If, as a member of Overeaters Anonymous, I still cannot accept honest answers I may be sentencing myself to a life of “fat serenity.” That may be the price of holding onto self-will, to the need to control through food and fat.
In OA, “winners” go to meetings, work the steps, have sponsors, make telephone calls and practice abstinence. Have I been hoping for an easier say? There is none. I am not exempt from the cause-and-effect principles that govern the lives of all people.

For today: God help me to see the truth about myself – to ask for the help I need and then use it.

My takeaway: Yes. I am reminded time and again of my inability regarding certain foods and eating behaviors. It’s back to Step 1 in a way.

xo

~~

 

 

 

Gratitudes – June 28

  1. I am so grateful that I can see
  2. I am so grateful that I can breathe.
  3. I am so grateful for my attitude toward Z, that I like and trust her and no longer let Ms fears influence ME.
  4. And that I actually hope M. gets to this point too!
  5. I’m grateful for some disposable income, as I’m sitting here now at the diner, about to eat a veggie intensive lunch.
  6. I’m grateful that Z is cleaning my house right now.
  7. I’m grateful that Jo did outside clean-up today.
  8. And bathroom guy came and measured.
  9. And it all worked out.
  10. I’m grateful that I can afford to get the bathroom done.
  11. And that it si so cheap.
  12. I am now online at the diner. Yay. So can do here, not just Microsoft Word.
  13. I’m so grateful for veggies
  14. I love honest people.
  15. I felt good after going to the bank. #1 can put away a little money and #2 used to be so phobic and now not
  16. I am so grateful that Z just complimented me and asked a lot about what I was doing (workouts and food) Said how happy she was to see me “this way” I showed her what i am doing )
  17. I’m grateful that i can swallow
  18. and eat
  19. and drive
  20. and walk
  21. That I have TWO outdoor malls near me! To walk and enjoy
  22. and shop
  23. I did the Pilates Fix today and it wasn’t bad like it used to be! i can do it:)
  24. I’m grateful for the 21 Day Fix workouts
  25. and food plan, although i am following weight watchers food plan right now
  26. and oa
  27. I am grateful that I am amazing that baby blanket for Jo’s daughter G’s baby coming in Sept.
  28. I’m so grateful for my beachbody peeps! The sharing, the honesty, the things I learn, and share.
  29. I’m so grateful for this idea? I will now finish (talking about workouts here) 2 rounds 21 Day Fix, then 1 of Country Heat, then one of 21 Day Fix Extreme, then one of Cize then one of Body Beast. That will take me through October or more
  30. And what changes I’ll feel!
  31. And see!
  32. Carrots
  33. Broccoli
  34. Cauliflower
  35. Onions
  36. Peppers
  37. Rice
  38. My birds
  39. Their avian vet! The best!
  40. I’m grateful that I can teach math (eementary math)
  41. I’m grateful that I can read
  42. I loved seeing St yesterday
  43. and her darling son, A.
  44. And I bought vegan cookbooks more yay.
  45. Will go through them today and coming days
  46. Will see mother later
  47. and go to oa
  48. and crochet more
  49. I will buy a mattress this week! Yay!
  50. I’m so grateful that I talked to Br about bathroom redo = because she set me straight on how little I could spend. AND  – with dear Jo – it will be even less than that! Yay!
  51. I’m so grateful I’m free. I’m not a slave
  52. I’m not in a prison
  53. I haven’t committed any crimes to be, either. Grateful for being raised here and this way, which helped me to be this way.
  54. I’m not a POW
  55. I’m not in any kind of war right here. Very lucky
  56. I have enough. Enough of everything. Life, healthy, love, friends, home money, food, water
  57. Water
  58. I’m so grateful for this time off
  59. and for being determined to ~STAY POSITIVE~ through it!
  60. I’m grateful for choices for this very afternoon I can walk outside. I can shop for clothes at mall (walking also_. I can visit mother. I can watch tv and crochet. I can go to library. I can do French. I can practice piano.
  61. I am grateful for my little house
  62. And the work that’s being done on it
  63. I am eternally grateful that I am NOT in the shape I was in 2 years and a few days ago! For example:
  64. I now live in lovely surroundings, not squalor
  65. I  no longer have any mice
  66. I now longer am AS out of shape
  67. I no longer am as dependent.
  68. I am more – MYSELF_ at wor k and everywhere
  69. I am less afriad
  70. I am so so so much less phobi
  71. I use the kitchen! the fridge, the oven, the stovetop, the freezer, the drawers….
  72. I shop for groceries every single week.
  73. I take such good care of my birds. Better than then even, yes.
  74. I look good or at least decent every day
  75. I have more confdence
  76. I am woring out in a clean environment
  77. I have a cleaning lady! Every other week!
  78. I love my job now. Even though it is more annoying and most peope no longer love it, I loce it omore than ever!
  79. I am so much more ACCEPTING of life on life’s terms!
  80. I have been invited once to sit with Jo’s family (3 days ago)
  81. And will be invited to the baby shower (was told by the mom)
  82. I go to ww now.
  83. and love it
  84. I eat more veggies now
  85. and more fruits
  86. and more water
  87. My classroom is in MUCH better shape than it was then.
  88. I had a great school year
  89. With these kids xo
  90. and Tr
  91. and B
  92. People respect me
  93. and should
  94. and I do register that
  95. The deep breath I just took
  96. EJ and all her support for so long xoxoxoxo
  97. You, if you are reading this
  98. Prayer
  99. Meditation
  100. fb friends
  101. this laptop