Readings June 29

DAILY REFLECTIONS:

A RIPPLING EFFECT

Having learned to live so happily, we’d show everyone else how . . . Yes, we of A.A. did dream those dreams. How natural that was, since most alcoholics are bankrupt idealists . . . So why shouldn’t we share our way of life with everyone? Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 156

The great discovery of sobriety led me feel  the need to spread the “good news” to the world around me. The grandiose thoughts of my drinking days returned. Later I learned that concentrating on my own recovery was a full-time process. As I became a sober citizen in this world, I observed a rippling effect which, without any conscious effort on my part reached any “related facility or outside enterprise” without diverting me from my primary purpose of staying sober and helping other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.

My takeaway: Yes. I must keep my ego in check.
(And especially my judgmentalism)

For Today:

Many people today don’t want honest answers insofar as honest means unpleasant or disturbing. They want a soft answer that turneth away anxiety. Louis Kronenberger

If, as a member of Overeaters Anonymous, I still cannot accept honest answers I may be sentencing myself to a life of “fat serenity.” That may be the price of holding onto self-will, to the need to control through food and fat.
In OA, “winners” go to meetings, work the steps, have sponsors, make telephone calls and practice abstinence. Have I been hoping for an easier say? There is none. I am not exempt from the cause-and-effect principles that govern the lives of all people.

For today: God help me to see the truth about myself – to ask for the help I need and then use it.

My takeaway: Yes. I am reminded time and again of my inability regarding certain foods and eating behaviors. It’s back to Step 1 in a way.

xo

~~

 

 

 

Gratitudes – June 28

  1. I am so grateful that I can see
  2. I am so grateful that I can breathe.
  3. I am so grateful for my attitude toward Z, that I like and trust her and no longer let Ms fears influence ME.
  4. And that I actually hope M. gets to this point too!
  5. I’m grateful for some disposable income, as I’m sitting here now at the diner, about to eat a veggie intensive lunch.
  6. I’m grateful that Z is cleaning my house right now.
  7. I’m grateful that Jo did outside clean-up today.
  8. And bathroom guy came and measured.
  9. And it all worked out.
  10. I’m grateful that I can afford to get the bathroom done.
  11. And that it si so cheap.
  12. I am now online at the diner. Yay. So can do here, not just Microsoft Word.
  13. I’m so grateful for veggies
  14. I love honest people.
  15. I felt good after going to the bank. #1 can put away a little money and #2 used to be so phobic and now not
  16. I am so grateful that Z just complimented me and asked a lot about what I was doing (workouts and food) Said how happy she was to see me “this way” I showed her what i am doing )
  17. I’m grateful that i can swallow
  18. and eat
  19. and drive
  20. and walk
  21. That I have TWO outdoor malls near me! To walk and enjoy
  22. and shop
  23. I did the Pilates Fix today and it wasn’t bad like it used to be! i can do it:)
  24. I’m grateful for the 21 Day Fix workouts
  25. and food plan, although i am following weight watchers food plan right now
  26. and oa
  27. I am grateful that I am amazing that baby blanket for Jo’s daughter G’s baby coming in Sept.
  28. I’m so grateful for my beachbody peeps! The sharing, the honesty, the things I learn, and share.
  29. I’m so grateful for this idea? I will now finish (talking about workouts here) 2 rounds 21 Day Fix, then 1 of Country Heat, then one of 21 Day Fix Extreme, then one of Cize then one of Body Beast. That will take me through October or more
  30. And what changes I’ll feel!
  31. And see!
  32. Carrots
  33. Broccoli
  34. Cauliflower
  35. Onions
  36. Peppers
  37. Rice
  38. My birds
  39. Their avian vet! The best!
  40. I’m grateful that I can teach math (eementary math)
  41. I’m grateful that I can read
  42. I loved seeing St yesterday
  43. and her darling son, A.
  44. And I bought vegan cookbooks more yay.
  45. Will go through them today and coming days
  46. Will see mother later
  47. and go to oa
  48. and crochet more
  49. I will buy a mattress this week! Yay!
  50. I’m so grateful that I talked to Br about bathroom redo = because she set me straight on how little I could spend. AND  – with dear Jo – it will be even less than that! Yay!
  51. I’m so grateful I’m free. I’m not a slave
  52. I’m not in a prison
  53. I haven’t committed any crimes to be, either. Grateful for being raised here and this way, which helped me to be this way.
  54. I’m not a POW
  55. I’m not in any kind of war right here. Very lucky
  56. I have enough. Enough of everything. Life, healthy, love, friends, home money, food, water
  57. Water
  58. I’m so grateful for this time off
  59. and for being determined to ~STAY POSITIVE~ through it!
  60. I’m grateful for choices for this very afternoon I can walk outside. I can shop for clothes at mall (walking also_. I can visit mother. I can watch tv and crochet. I can go to library. I can do French. I can practice piano.
  61. I am grateful for my little house
  62. And the work that’s being done on it
  63. I am eternally grateful that I am NOT in the shape I was in 2 years and a few days ago! For example:
  64. I now live in lovely surroundings, not squalor
  65. I  no longer have any mice
  66. I now longer am AS out of shape
  67. I no longer am as dependent.
  68. I am more – MYSELF_ at wor k and everywhere
  69. I am less afriad
  70. I am so so so much less phobi
  71. I use the kitchen! the fridge, the oven, the stovetop, the freezer, the drawers….
  72. I shop for groceries every single week.
  73. I take such good care of my birds. Better than then even, yes.
  74. I look good or at least decent every day
  75. I have more confdence
  76. I am woring out in a clean environment
  77. I have a cleaning lady! Every other week!
  78. I love my job now. Even though it is more annoying and most peope no longer love it, I loce it omore than ever!
  79. I am so much more ACCEPTING of life on life’s terms!
  80. I have been invited once to sit with Jo’s family (3 days ago)
  81. And will be invited to the baby shower (was told by the mom)
  82. I go to ww now.
  83. and love it
  84. I eat more veggies now
  85. and more fruits
  86. and more water
  87. My classroom is in MUCH better shape than it was then.
  88. I had a great school year
  89. With these kids xo
  90. and Tr
  91. and B
  92. People respect me
  93. and should
  94. and I do register that
  95. The deep breath I just took
  96. EJ and all her support for so long xoxoxoxo
  97. You, if you are reading this
  98. Prayer
  99. Meditation
  100. fb friends
  101. this laptop

Surrendering self-will

“Our fears are lessened and faith begins to grow as we learn the true meaning of surrender. We are no longer fighting fear, anger, guilt, self-pity, or depression.”

Basic Text, p. 27

 

Surrender is the beginning of a new way of life. When driven primarily by self-will, we constantly wondered whether we’d covered all the bases, whether we’d manipulated that person in just the right way to achieve our ends, whether we’d missed a critical detail in our efforts to control and manage the world. We either felt afraid, fearing our schemes would fail; angry or self-pitying when they fell through; or guilty when we pulled them off. It was hard, living on self-will, but we didn’t know any other way.

Not that surrender is always easy. On the contrary, surrender can be difficult, especially in the beginning. Still, it’s easier to trust God, a Power capable of managing our lives, than to trust only ourselves, whose lives are unmanageable. And the more we surrender, the easier it gets.

When we turn our will and our lives over to the care of our Higher Power, all we have to do is our part, as responsibly and conscientiously as we can. Then we can leave the results up to our Higher Power. By surrendering, acting on faith, and living our lives according to the simple spiritual principles of this program, we can stop worrying and start living.

––––=––––

Just for today: I will surrender self-will. I will seek knowledge of God’s will for me and the power to carry it out. I will leave the results in my Higher Power’s hands.

My takeaway: I will surrender self-will, seek knowledge of my Higher Power’s will for me and the power to carry it out, and leave the results in my Higher Power’s hands. I love this so much!

~~

Journal – June 26

Good Morning Dear God, my Creator and Maker of all things good. I love You. I worship and adore only You.
I’m sorry for not caring for myself in all those ways all that time. I’m sorry for the vicious attacks from my feelings of rejection and unlovableness. I’m so sorry. I acted out of fear, not faith, and I’m sorry.
Thank you for my mother’s miracle. And for J. All the time of J.
Please reunite us. For a healthy happy long life together.
Amen.

But of course:

God, I offer myself to Thee. To build with me and to do with me as You wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help, of Thy power, Thy love, and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always. Amen.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Amen.

May I have peace and joy today. Thich Nhat Hanh: “You have all the conditions for happiness.”

Gratitudes – June 26

  1. I’m so grateful to be alive.
  2. And that it’s a Monday off
  3. I’m so grateful for my eyesight!
  4. I’m glad I bought yarn to crochet a baby blanket for G’s baby coming.
  5. and that I’ll be invited to the shower
  6. I’m glad I went to the party yesterday.
  7. In the beginning, as it was an A.A. big huge anniversary for counties all around, but all in Spanish, I was struck with how we are all one. I mean, I was the only person in the room who didn’t speak Spanish. Like 180 people. But I recognized the 12 Traditions… I observed. A lot. We’re all of God and the Universe. We all care about family. We all have issues and disappointments. We all want happiness. And:
  8. That I am part of something bigger.
  9. Jo brought food and water over to me
  10. and put out a table for me and his family:)
  11. And G brought me food later.
  12. And kissed me like 3 times
  13. I’m grateful I left when I did, I think. Because if I stayed until the last second, Jo might have thought I wanted something….
  14. And I did offer to help. Twice
  15. I’m grateful that I did my mother’s shopping early – morning.
  16. and visited with her a little bit, happily for both of us:)
  17. I’m grateful that I went to ww first thing! 🙂 For me:)
  18. That I left the party the minute I did, as I got into craft store 2 minutes before they closed:)
  19. I’m grateful for 2 days of good eating.
  20. And that I will make today Day 3
  21. I’m so grateful that i didn’t eat more at the party to make someone ELSE feel appreciated
  22. I’m grateful that it was nearby enough
  23. and the very nice guy in the store who helped me find it!
  24. and all the people who tried to help
  25. I’m grateful for my friendship with MT
  26. and Tr
  27. and B
  28. and A
  29. and O
  30. And D
  31. And St
  32. And KC
  33. And L
  34. and Jo
  35. and N
  36. and JL
  37. I’m grateful that E called
  38. and tries to help me with program stuff/eating stuff
  39. and KB
  40. I’m grateful for my principal being who she is.
  41. I’m grateful that i will go to the hfs for a few things today
  42. I’m so grateful for waht I did this morning!
  43. Including Lower Fix workout
  44. and thorough bird cage cleaning dishes under etc
  45. and watering front and back
  46. and shower and makeup and clothes
  47. straightening
  48. I’m grateful that the weather is beatiful
  49. I have doors and windows open, lovely little breeze…
  50. I’m so grateful that I can breathe
  51. and walk
  52. and drive
  53. and have a car
  54. I have freedom!
  55. I. Have. Enough.
  56. Chances are I always will.
  57. I have health!
  58. My pretty hair.
  59. Temporary tatoos 😉
  60. I looked cute yesterday
  61. someone was hitting on me:)
  62. a bunch of men were looking at me:)
  63. I am cute enough today too
  64. Enjoying Dr. Phi show right now
  65. chatting with KC right now
  66. That I am not bulimic
  67. That alcohol doesn’t call to me
  68. That drugs don’t call to me
  69. My job
  70. I WILL find way to ENJOY this summer!
  71. i act more on faith than fear at this point
  72. Two years ago today, I was living in squalor. Now I’m in a lovely little home
  73. Two years ago today, outside was icky too. Now it’s adorable.
  74. Two years ago today, I was overwhelmed and grossed out and had to clean mice turds. Today I have a cleaning lady every other week,
  75. and I keep things in order in between,
  76. and there are no mice, and I can do whatever I want. The “problem” is what to do and not be lonely, not how to do the horrendous things I have to do!
  77. I sleep easily at night.
  78. I find awe every day! A lot!
  79. Watering flowers last night was awe.
  80. Looking at my sweet birds who are free, and hearing their little voices, is awe
  81. Trees are awe.
  82. I have made the decision to be ME. So what that I get excited over little things? Like:
  83. the salsa yesterday being so fresh and delicious.
  84. The thing is, if anyone doesn’t like that Im dramatic and see things this way and feel them this way, or doesn’t believe it, oh well. It is who I am. And at least it is not who I am NEGATIVELY anymore!
  85. No. Bites. Phew.
  86. I am grateful for fresh fruit
  87. and all foods
  88. and water
  89. and showers
  90. I am grateful for Chopin
  91. and my piano
  92. and that I can play
  93. I’m grateful that I can read
  94. And there are many good books for me to choose from this summer
  95. I AM GOING TO do something wonderful this summer!
  96. My Summer 17 thread. It’s like a journal.
  97. G’s comment yesterday about how difficult it is (for others) to stand up and tell about their problems.
  98. And my awareness that we ALL have a story… pain is part of life. Everyone’s. Birds, trees, dolphins, everyone.
  99. And my saying it.
  100. This day of health and freedom.

Thank You.

Readings – June 26

Daily Reflections:

A GIFT THAT GROWS WITH TIME

For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and
colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry.
It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 151

The longer I chased these elusive feelings with alcohol, the more out
of reach they were. However, by applying this passage to my sobriety,
I found that it described the magnificent new life made available to me
by the A.A. program. It “truly does get better” one day at a time.
The warmth, the love and the joy so simply expressed in these words
grow in breadth and depth each time I read it. Sobriety is a gift that
grows with time.

My takeaway: Yesterday at that A.A. Open Anniversary Party, I was reminded that my disease of overeating can kill me just as much as someone else’s disease of drinking can kill them. May I continue to do what I need to do, including asking for help.
Thought for the Day:

We must know the nature of our weakness before we can determine how to deal with it. When we are honest about its presence, we may discover that it is imaginary and can be overcome by a change of thinking. We admit that we are alcoholics and we would be foolish if we refused to accept our handicap and do something about it. So by honestly facing our weakness and keeping ever present the knowledge that, for us, alcoholism is a disease with which we are afflicted, we can take the necessary steps to arrest it. Have I fully accepted my handicap?

My takeaway: I think I haven’t fully accepted it all. Because I SO dearly want to control it and eat like – well – not a normal eater but a normal weight watchers eater.
Meditation for the Day:

There is a proper time for everything. I must learn not to do things at the wrong time, that is, before I am ready or before conditions are right. It is always a temptation to do something at once, instead of waiting until the proper time. Timing is important. I must learn, in the little daily situations of life, to delay action until I am sure that I am doing the right thing at the right time. So many lives lack balance and timing. In the momentous decisions and crises of life, they may ask God’s guidance, but into the small situations of life, they rush alone.

My takeaway: I don’t know. I don’t even understand this. I keep getting this sickening feeling in my stomach and legs, about J and timing, and I know that the law of attraction dictates that I should be feeling the opposite….