Affirmations July 31

I am in a committed relationship of  pure good whole real sexual romantic wonderful love.
What a happy marriage we are in!
All is perfect in my world.
I am healthy, whole, happy, feminine, and fulfilled.

I am in a committed relationship of pure good whole real sexual romantic wonderful love.
What a happy marriage we are in!
All is perfect in my world.
I am healthy, whole, happy, feminine, and fulfilled.

I am in a committed relationship of pure good whole real sexual romantic wonderful love.
What a happy marriage we are in!
All is perfect in my world.
I am healthy, whole, happy, feminine, and fulfilled.

I am in a committed relationship of pure good whole real sexual romantic wonderful love.
What a happy marriage we are in!
All is perfect in my world.
I am healthy, whole, happy, feminine, and fulfilled.

I am in a committed relationship of pure good whole real sexual romantic wonderful love.
what a happy marriage we are in!
All is perfect in my world.
I am healthy, whole, happy, feminine, and fulfilled.

Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.

 

Readings July 31

DAILY REFLECTIONS:

A PRAYER FOR ALL SEASONS

God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, Courage to change the things we can, And wisdom to know the difference. – Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 125

The power of this prayer is overwhelming in that its simple beauty parallels the A.A. Fellowship. There are times when I get stuck while reciting it, but if I examine the section which is troubling me, i find the answer to my problem. The first time this happened I was scared, but now I use it as a valuable tool. By accepting life as it is, I gain serenity. By taking action, I gain courage and I thank God for the ability to distinguish between those situations I can work on, and those I must turn over. All that I have now is a gift from God: my life, my usefulness, my contentment, and this program. The serenity enables me to continue walking forward.
Alcoholics Anonymous is the easier, softer way.

My takeawayS: 1. All of us need or wouldn’t be tehre.
2. Turn it ALL over – in that turn over decisions, the knowing which is which (as in this prayer which kind of already doe it), the doing, and the things I can’t change. The good, the “bad,” the realities.

 

Gratitudes August 1 – mistake – it’s july 231! leaving all grats alone though + 1 = I just gained a day lol

July Gratitudes First, Specifically:

1. My eye exam which went so well!
2. J. staying with mother the other night omg SO grateful – no words
3. New bathroom
4. New bed. So now I have both.
5. Sleep. I did sleep well most all nights.
6. ww through July
7. oa through July
8. Eyesight through July
9. My birds were fine
10. I had gotten the great colonoscopy results before then.
11. I maintained taking good care of my house
12. I practiced some piano
13. I went to the beach once. That’s more than i did last few years!
14. I became closer with my friend, D.
15. M and I did well with our friendship.
16. A is well physically – so much better in the big way and even other ways. I am so grateful for that
17. I did have some nice times with my mother
18. I saw St twice
19. I have been there for others in need, including B and KC and KZG and M
20. I have lost a little weight in July
21. I am not struggling with it as I had been
22. Reading. I enjoyed reading in July
23. I did not have work stressors on top of everything else
    I made it through
24. I kept up with my house
25. I had people here for Jo’s birthday. And I stet the table nicely with colorful plastic things and fresh flowers and a birthday balloon. And we had a nice time!
26. I had cleaning lady 2 times
27. I breathed despite the construction allergies
28. I drove safely
29. I kept up with my car
30. i kept up with my mother
31. I had support when I needed it too
32. I paid my bills
33. I did not go totally bat shit crazy with the stress-caused HUGE financial mistake that has put me in debt
34. I called a therapist. It didn’t work out, but I did try.
35. I kept up here enough.
36. I kept up with my two facebook pages.
37. I visited N
38. I cancelled E. Both were right.
39. I went to lots of meetings. Didn’t quit after all.
40. i think I wasn’t suicidal at all – or once i was a little scared but got through  and talked –
41. I have stayed close to my Higher Power
42. I had all the medicines i needed
43. i had manis
44. i had pedis
45. even specialty pedis
46. i had magazines. These are all luxuries
47. bought new bras – much need –
48. I have FIVE now! – 2 black, 2 beige, and 1 red!
49. and a great sports bra for exercising
50. and – I bought clothes! 10 tops, 5 pants, and 4 dresses!
51. i have been crocheting – and well
52. The screened thing got put up in backyard – no mosquito bites even at dusk if want to sit in there!
53. I watched a sunset
54. I did not get sick (meds are regular things)
55. This was a lot of good in July and now today: Today I am alive
56. and the windows and doors are open
57. and the birds are chirping
58. I just did call my mother. It’s hard. But I did the right thing
59. J will see her later today
60. I will see her tomorrow. That’s good. That’s enough I think
61. I am wearing a conscious ink temporary tattoo manifestation – pic won’t work on this so i’ll just tell it says: Choose Love Now
62. jo working to get architect for wall to get on it
63. i had good shower in new bathroom
64. i put away all laundry clothes
65. i ate good breakfast including broccoli (for emotions)
66. I’m not shopping for/visiting mother today – will do tomorrow – MIGHT visit her later we’ll see
67. J will see her today
68. I will go to either ww or oa this evening – in either case, an easy to get to and good one
69. I have meditated once today ( and will do more I’m pretty sure)
70. I have the other two therapist’s numbers right next to me…
71. I have looked them up… – getting closer to calling..
72. the weather feels great in there
73. my outdoor flowers are still alive despite my lack of watering them –
74. Okay I’m back. I just watered. Front and back.
75. And it felt great.
76. And I even put the hoses up – I’ve been VERY lazy about that lately and they’ve lain all over the place. But not today: )
77. It is dry and breezy out
78. with a beautiful blue sky w
79. and little bit white clouds
80. and lovely breeze
81. I am very grateful that flowers need water – it “forces” me to…
82. Took care of birdies first thing this am
83. and indoor plants, which needed water (once a week)
84. the indoor plants are doing well – yay lovely!
85. my med was just delivered
86. as my drops were last week
87. I now do tip the guy and made up for years didn’t
88. D invited me, last night, to go away for a few days soon with her and her daughter – and – I think I have a man who will stay at the house so I’m not leaving it! Awesome
89. I was remembering last night how desperate my morning work used to be. How i was sitting in the l.r. and despondent “God, I hope I’m not alone in cyber-space” and it’s not like that anymore. I’m not like that anymore. Putting this in “Changes” category now!
90. And that day – that day when there it was: “You are not alone in cyberspace, Honey” I will always be thankful to EJ. ❤
91. I believe in miracles
92. and I think I’m starting to expect another one…
93. J’s help with my mother. Omg huge.
94. D’s idea about it all.
95. This is really a very self-care day for me. Lucky.
96. My father. I had a really great father. None better.
97. How h always made me feel ok just as I am.
98. How he loved education
99. He was brave and was in WWII
100. H was so loving to my mom
101. so patient
102. so intelligent
103. so funny
104. Us watering the grass together for a month
105. He was so good with animals, knowledge, compassion, understanding, care
106. And convinced my mother for us to get a puppy xo
107. I hve hope
108. and I am ok. Been listening to so many people lately – and realize – we all have stuff…
109. Not in a war
110. Not ill
111. free
112. not a slave
113. not working 2 jobs or 12 hours a day or in horrendous circumstances
114. have home
115. have car
116. have people
117. not bedridden
118. Law of Attraction – and may i tap into it only more amen
119. SO MUCH more acceptance
120. meditations D has sent me –
121. stop, breathe, and think
122. finding my misplaced ywbd ring (Your will be done)
123. M. C.
124. JL
125. Li
126. Et
127. ER
128. Ju
129. and others from oa meetings
130. I have a sponsor nw!
131. and can (and will) continue on with steps – from now Step 6. LATER – NEED MORE GRATS – DOING NOW:
132. i am smart
133. i have degrees
134. i ahve a job
135. i am funny
136. i am warm
137. i am affectionate
138. i have great hugs mine and from – so giving and taking and sharing
139. i am liked
140. i am honest
141. i am an upstanding citizen
142. i can be trusted with a confidence
143. i can be trusted in an emergency

Journal August 1 – No – It is July 31 – I just gained a day haha :)

August 1.
July was a very stress-filled month for me.
The last week was very very very bad.
But there were also wonders and miracles and sleep and so so much to be grateful for. I think I’ll go do those (and other) gratitudes and then com back here.
PS Did meditate =- very distractably but might again anyway – 2 more times even today

Affirmations July 30

The Universe takes perfect care of me.
I am a miracle.
I am so happy.
My life is wonderful! Perfect! my life is perfect!
I love every minute of my beautiful lifd!

I have love.
I have romance.
I have family.
I am so fulfilled!
All is perfect in my world.

Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.

Gratitudes July 30

1. my mother is home
2. with her aide
3. J stayed there Fri night omg thankful!
4. I have a bathroom
5. a toilet
6. a shower/bath
7. and sink
8. and floor
9. and tiles – first time ever this bathroom, built in the 1920’s, has had tile
10. I have a bed
11. have slept in it 2 nights now
12. sleep, precious sleep. I remember when I didn’t get an hour of sleep for many months! wound up with double pneumonia – remember the first night i sletp an hour and 40 minutes, how hopeful and excited I was – went to J’s work to tell him
13. Down another 1/4 pounds. Will keep going
14. ww
15. oa
16. 11 people at oa meitng last night. I remember when it was 3
17. the crocheting is back on track. I am determined to finish
18. life
19. health
20. breath
21. eyesight
22. I am grateful fro my freedom
23. all my freedoms
24. I am grateful for the zucchini and tomatoes I made the day before yesterday
25. I m grateful fro all vegetables
26. and all the organic food I have
27. and water. Plenty of water
28. and fresh coffee this morning
29. I am grateful that V is stable and that K texted to tell me so
30. I am grateful fro all the care i have every had from anyone.
31. Including Ji
32. and J
33. and mother
34. and father
35. and even sister
36. and M
37. and A
38. and D
39. and St
40. and O
41. and K
42. My friends growing up
43. Including Lori
44. and Valerie
45. and Barbara
46. and Dawn
47. that I extricated myself from the situation with JD
48. email
49. texting
50. fb
51. phones
52. popwords game yes really
53. ipad mini
54. piano
55. Columbo last night. relaxed and enjoyed
56. hope
57. future (probably)
58. changes
59. that i do not wake up, “Oh fuck I woke up,” anymore!
60. that maybe I can help anyone(s) get from there to here
61. my new sponsor yay
62. my birds
63. dear little one flying around to where cage used to be yesterday, kind of telling me, “We want to go back there”
64. and me able to do it as bathroom smells from remodeling gone, my blessed boys
65. on way to ww now. bright, light, cheerful, learning,a nd crochet there lol
66. I am so grateful for the cool weather these few days
67. and the dry – although i must water lol
68. my birds just slept a while – together – and are now lively and chirping and dumping about
69. Golden Girls
70. the crocheting going better
71. that having probably ruind my laptop by spilling water omg – will not kill me. I can get over it…
72. that i am more positive
73. my beautiful new bathroom
74. i have provided a home for myself
75. sleep – in bed – at night
76. my brain
77. my safety
78. tv
79. i will finish this f’in blanket and be free again lol
80. america
81. tha i can speak
82. that i rhink well
83. oa
84. ww
85. good out this am
86. driving
87. all the fears i used to have (at different ages)  that i don’t have anymore – including – all elevators, tunnels, driving, being alone in house, health worries, that i’d never be able to work more tahn 3 years, that i could not eat better, that i’d be all alone and lonely, that i was some kind of victim, that i was “invisible,” that i was unworthy of love, that i couldn’t get the garbage out, that i couldn’t do my laundry, that i couldn’t go clothes shopping, that i couldn’t keep up with regular grocery shopping, that i couldn’t pay my own bills – i mean physically pay them, not just afford them, the mail, phone calls, that i could never sleep again, the horrible nightmares, that i’d never get rid of the mice, that i couldn’t keep things clean and in order, that i coudln’t get myself to work every day, that i’d never be healthy, o uninjured, that i couldn’t take care of my birds, that i might never speak again, that i’d lose my eyesight, that I’d never come lol, that i was stupid, that i couldn’t handle banking, that i could never do for my mother, hell, that I could never speak to my mother let alone help her with body, aides, finding apartment, money, lawyers, visit…, that i’d never play piano again (injury, money, practice, talentless…), that i’d never feel oay, that the “veil” would never b lifted, that i couldn’t do my own errands like drugstore or best buy or pc richards or home depot etc, that i wouldn’t have the energy for work, that i’d get fired, that i would always hate working,  that i could never get things fixed around here, that i would never laugh or love with a man again, that i’d never be able to deal with t workers around here, that i’d never be able to deal with aides in my classroom, that i was a reject deject mistake, that i would never not be suicidal, that i would never not be mutilational, that i’d be schizophrenic like my mom, that i would never get to have that feeling i’d wished to in my 20’s real person functional ok etc, that i would never feel like a person, that i would never feel whole, that i wouldn’t ever (again?) feel like a woman
88. that i got from ther to here. and there’s more. and i DO help others. children, and some adults too
89. that some say I’m an inspiration
90. greens
91. that i don’t take soda
92. that alcohol doesn’t call to me
93. fun
94. that i finally got to the beach this year
95. walking.
96. sports bra came in
97. that i do get things done
98. that i have degrees
99. and am at the top of my profession
100. and support myself
101. my yard
102. jo
103. J

Journal July 30

Relieved. But it is a LOT. A LOT.
All those talks with J.
Thank God he did what he did to help.
But my heart – J…
Mother – better but – you know – like – so mixed for me… – there, not there, newish person, almost always some trauma, almost never any joy…
But ~I now~ that life is in the moment. – I have a bathroom now, and a bed, and am very thankful for that. My mother is home, with her aide. J did come through, big-time. I have food and water and ~health~ How different would it all be if that medical test had come out differently…
So, I’m kind of moving into gratitudes here and will go do some, then rest of “work” later on
Anyone who looks at my blog – thank you so much. May you be blessed!