Gratitudes July 30

  1. my mother is home
  2. with her aide
  3. J stayed there Fri night omg thankful!
  4. I have a bathroom
  5. a toilet
  6. a shower/bath
  7. and sink
  8. and floor
  9. and tiles – first time ever this bathroom, built in the 1920’s, has had tile
  10. I have a bed
  11. have slept in it 2 nights now
  12. sleep, precious sleep. I remember when I didn’t get an hour of sleep for many months! wound up with double pneumonia – remember the first night i sletp an hour and 40 minutes, how hopeful and excited I was – went to J’s work to tell him
  13. Down another 1/4 pounds. Will keep going
  14. ww
  15. oa
  16. 11 people at oa meitng last night. I remember when it was 3
  17. the crocheting is back on track. I am determined to finish
  18. life
  19. health
  20. breath
  21. eyesight
  22. I am grateful fro my freedom
  23. all my freedoms
  24. I am grateful for the zucchini and tomatoes I made the day before yesterday
  25. I m grateful fro all vegetables
  26. and all the organic food I have
  27. and water. Plenty of water
  28. and fresh coffee this morning
  29. I am grateful that V is stable and that K texted to tell me so
  30. I am grateful fro all the care i have every had from anyone.
  31. Including Ji
  32. and J
  33. and mother
  34. and father
  35. and even sister
  36. and M
  37. and A
  38. and D
  39. and St
  40. and O
  41. and K
  42. My friends growing up
  43. Including Lori
  44. and Valerie
  45. and Barbara
  46. and Dawn
  47. that I extricated myself from the situation with JD
  48. email
  49. texting
  50. fb
  51. phones
  52. popwords game yes really
  53. ipad mini
  54. piano
  55. Columbo last night. relaxed and enjoyed
  56. hope
  57. future (probably)
  58. changes
  59. that i do not wake up, “Oh fuck I woke up,” anymore!
  60. that maybe I can help anyone(s) get from there to here
  61. my new sponsor yay
  62. my birds
  63. dear little one flying around to where cage used to be yesterday, kind of telling me, “We want to go back there”
  64. and me able to do it as bathroom smells from remodeling gone, my blessed boys
  65. on way to ww now. bright, light, cheerful, learning,a nd crochet there lol
  66. I am so grateful for the cool weather these few days
  67. and the dry – although i must water lol
  68. my birds just slept a while – together – and are now lively and chirping and dumping about
  69. Golden Girls
  70. the crocheting going better
  71. that having probably ruind my laptop by spilling water omg – will not kill me. I can get over it…
  72. that i am more positive
  73. my beautiful new bathroom
  74. i have provided a home for myself
  75. sleep – in bed – at night
  76. my brain
  77. my safety
  78. tv
  79. i will finish this f’in blanket and be free again lol
  80. america
  81. tha i can speak
  82. that i rhink well
  83. oa
  84. ww
  85. good out this am
  86. driving
  87. all the fears i used to have (at different ages)  that i don’t have anymore – including – all elevators, tunnels, driving, being alone in house, health worries, that i’d never be able to work more tahn 3 years, that i could not eat better, that i’d be all alone and lonely, that i was some kind of victim, that i was “invisible,” that i was unworthy of love, that i couldn’t get the garbage out, that i couldn’t do my laundry, that i couldn’t go clothes shopping, that i couldn’t keep up with regular grocery shopping, that i couldn’t pay my own bills – i mean physically pay them, not just afford them, the mail, phone calls, that i could never sleep again, the horrible nightmares, that i’d never get rid of the mice, that i couldn’t keep things clean and in order, that i coudln’t get myself to work every day, that i’d never be healthy, o uninjured, that i couldn’t take care of my birds, that i might never speak again, that i’d lose my eyesight, that I’d never come lol, that i was stupid, that i couldn’t handle banking, that i could never do for my mother, hell, that I could never speak to my mother let alone help her with body, aides, finding apartment, money, lawyers, visit…, that i’d never play piano again (injury, money, practice, talentless…), that i’d never feel oay, that the “veil” would never b lifted, that i couldn’t do my own errands like drugstore or best buy or pc richards or home depot etc, that i wouldn’t have the energy for work, that i’d get fired, that i would always hate working,  that i could never get things fixed around here, that i would never laugh or love with a man again, that i’d never be able to deal with t workers around here, that i’d never be able to deal with aides in my classroom, that i was a reject deject mistake, that i would never not be suicidal, that i would never not be mutilational, that i’d be schizophrenic like my mom, that i would never get to have that feeling i’d wished to in my 20’s real person functional ok etc, that i would never feel like a person, that i would never feel whole, that i wouldn’t ever (again?) feel like a woman
  88. that i got from ther to here. and there’s more. and i DO help others. children, and some adults too
  89. that some say I’m an inspiration
  90. greens
  91. that i don’t take soda
  92. that alcohol doesn’t call to me
  93. fun
  94. that i finally got to the beach this year
  95. walking.
  96. sports bra came in
  97. that i do get things done
  98. that i have degrees
  99. and am at the top of my profession
  100. and support myself
  101. my yard
  102. jo
  103. J

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