Gratitudes Nov 23

  1. That I managed to turn i t around and feel absolutely fine right now and for the last  while
  2. I know that Higher Power helped me with this
  3. Because IN THIS MOMENT all IS well!
  4. I have the *opportunity* to be with my mother today!
  5. and bring her happiness!
  6. and sit and relax crocheting
  7. and there IS an aide there… thankful
  8. that M (mother’s good aide) called me
  9. and we had a nice chat
  10. I’m so grateful that M (friend) called
  11. and daughter said Happy Thanksgiving and she loves me
  12. then other daughter called
  13. and said it too
  14. Jo sent nice message
  15. Good chat online with A
  16. Good phone chat with L
  17. So, I am NOT alone. And I DO have abundance
  18. I am grateful for fb today
  19. I am so grateful for this day
  20. and that it is a day off
  21. and for teh things I have planned for the next 3 days
  22. including a massage
  23. and doing report cards (yes really)
  24. and seeing M
  25. maybe repot the big plant that’s becoming like a little tree
  26. maybe clean closets
  27. lots relax
  28. yoga
  29. eat well
  30. ww! yay! (yes, i mean that)
  31. i am grateful for meditation
  32. and wonderful texting with D this am
  33. and for her dear son P
  34. people who are kind to animals
  35. my students
  36. my eysight
  37. water
  38. my glasses
  39. and dishes (1 lost and 2 – 3 chipped already since summer but still grateful for them!)
  40. and my flatware also from summer
  41. and my pitcher. So glad that I bought a glass pitcher
  42. this quote, from Helen Keller: So much has been given to me, I have no time to ponder over that which has been denied.
  43. My job.
  44. That although some people are marginalizing me because the staff haschanged and many are so much younger now, we are getting alon and I am ok
  45. prayer
  46. meditation
  47. cooking
  48. foods
  49. ww is changing
  50. and i peeked online and think i found out about the changes
  51. and i LOVE them
  52. they will nudge me further toward real whole clean foods!
  53. enough money for what i’m bringing my mother – ’cause it’s an expensive place
  54. that the aide doesn’t want (phew, in terms of money)
  55. i am grateful that I made the call
  56. grateful for my credit card
  57. and my good credit
  58. grateful that i can drive
  59. and for my car
  60. grateful for sleeping last night
  61. and waking up
  62. and waking up early no less
  63. i am grateful that i can speak
  64. and walk
  65. and hear
  66. and swallow
  67. i am grateful that i am healthy
  68. and for laughter
  69. i am grateful for my tvs
  70. and this laptop
  71. and my iPhone
  72. and smile
  73. and my pretty eyes
  74. and my good skin
  75. and Serious Skin Care
  76. i am grateful for my integritya
  77. nd for everyone with integrity
  78. i am grateful for my birds
  79. for crocheting
  80. and my mother teaching me to knit pre-school age!
  81. and the crewel work I’ve done
  82. and the needlepoint I’ve done
  83. and the cross-stitch I’ve done
  84. i’m grateful that A has the new house
  85. and that he has a better life now
  86. i’m grateful for hope
  87. i’m grateful that i can type
  88. and write
  89. and read
  90. the book I’m reading
  91. reading on my Nook in bed before sleep
  92. electricity. yes really
  93. garbage pick-up. yes really
  94. and that i trust now that it will come for me. i used to be afraid they’d skip me. wow.
  95. i’m SO grateful that i’m not sick like that anymore!
  96. that i didn’t kill myself
  97. or maim myself
  98. the golden girls show
  99. will go to movies with D and P soon
  100. i am grateful for oa
  101. I am grateful for finding my Higher Power!!

Journal Nov 23 and Spirituality Nov 23

Dear God, Please help me to gie my mother a great Thanksgiving Day. After all those she gave to me!
Thank You. Thank You that YOU helped me turn it around. And instead of feeling lonely and sorry for myself, I am positive now and truly grateful that I have hours to myself, then visit with my mother yay lucky me, and will bring her something she loves and make it nice!
Thank You. Thank You for this day. Thank You. Amen.

Affirmations Nov 23

I go beyond barriers to possibilities.

This is a new day. I begin anew and create ALL THAT IS GOOD. And so it is.

I accept my power.

Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.

Daily Readings – and Remembering that the PURPOSE is to continue opening and changing myself for the better to serve others

Daily Reflections

HOLD YOUR FACE TO THE LIGHT

Believe more deeply. Hold your face up to the
Light, even though for the moment you do not see.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 3

One Sunday in October, during my morning meditation,
I glanced out the window at the ash tree in our
front yard. At once I was overwhelmed by its
magnificent, golden color! As I stared in awe at
God’s work of art, the leaves began to fall and,
within minutes, the branches were bare. Sadness
came over me as I thought of the winter months
ahead, but just as I was reflecting on autumn’s
annual process, God’s message came through. Like
the trees, stripped of their leaves in the fall,
sprout new blossoms in the spring, I had had my
compulsive, selfish ways removed by God in order
for me to blossom into a sober, joyful member of
A.A. Thank you, God, for the changing seasons and
for my ever-changing life.

My takeaway: Oh my gosh. That just happened to me a few minutes before sitting down and reading this – well the beginning of it anyway! I was on the phone and mentioned to my friend the awesome golden beauty I was seeing suddenly on “my” tree out front!
And a few times recently I’ve done good guided meditation on Change. It is helpful yes.
Thank you.

Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

I no longer refuse to do anything because I cannot
do it to perfection. Many of us alcoholics use the
excuse of not being able to do something perfectly
to enable us to do nothing at all. We pretend to be
perfectionists. We are good at telling people how a
thing should be done, but when we come to the effort
of doing it ourselves, we balk. We say to ourselves:
I might make a mistake, so I’d better let the whole
thing slide. In A.A. we set our goals high, but that
does not prevent us from trying. The mere fact that
we will never fully reach these goals does not
prevent us from doing the best we can. Have I stopped
hiding behind the smoke-screen of perfectionism?

My takeaway: That’s been me with the food/eating!
Must stop. Must stay with Higher Power to stop.

Meditation For The Day

“In the world ye shall have tribulation. But be of
good cheer. I have overcome the world.” Keep an
undaunted spirit. Keep your spirit free and unconquered.
You can be undefeated and untouched by failure and all
its power, by letting your spirit overcome the world;
rise above the earth’s turmoil into the secret chamber
of perfect peace and confidence. When a challenge comes
to you, remember that you have God’s help and nothing
can wholly defeat you.

My takeaway. Oh, Thank You, I have God’s help and nothing and wholly defeat me.
— In fact, even went into the bathroom Sun and PRAYED for help to handle the situation and not yell with “bad” aide B. And HP helped me!

Prayer For The Day

I pray that I may have confidence and be of good cheer.
I pray that I may not fear the power of failure.

My takeaway: Amen.

Changes Nov 22

2nd gr – Mary F – how i envied her. she was cute, and popular, and “cool,” and had strawberry blond long wavy hair. i was at her house after schoool and we went there and she took off her uniform and put it on the little thing outside her window (like roof of room below) to air out before hanging it up, and changed into her “play clothes.” i have always remembered the envy i had over that little routine. it seemed so – safe – so – normal.
my mother was probably already sick although not diagnosed and i didn’t feel so safe –
Well now, at THIS adult age, I FINALLY *have* those little routines (not that exact one lol) and i have provided them for myself.
At long last.

Although I am upset about the mother things currently, and my sort of holiday loneliness, and of course J, and the what-will-come-of-me, I am NOT depressed and wishing to die! THAT is huge. I haven’t felt that in a long time, Thank God.

Affirmations Nov 22

I rejoice in the love I encounter every day.

I feel safe in the rhythm and flow of everyday life.

Love is powerful your love AND my love

Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.

Must. Do. Gratitudes. Did Yesterday in mind in car… but not here…

  1. I am grateful that I can see
  2. I am grateful for my phthalmologist
  3. I am grateful for my eye drops
  4. I am grateful for the money to pay for the eye doc and drops
  5. I am grateful to live near good doctors
  6. and that I don’t need more
  7. I am free. Really grateful to be free. Can come and go as I please.
  8. Chose own career (chose)
  9. Choose own books (choose)
  10. Chose own education (chose and still choose)
  11. Chose own house (within the few I could afford lol)
  12. Choose how to spend my time
  13. Live in a suburb. I like it. City-like but lots of trees.
  14. I am grateful for trees.
  15. My compassion.
  16. Praying for AG
  17. Praying for BV
  18. our honesty with the principal yesterday about that situation, no matter what comes of it
  19. I am grateful that I’m not in a state of horrible depression and terror. I have been there. SO grateful not to be!
  20. My Higher Power. I’m so grateful to have found and acknowledged my Higher Power!
  21. D
  22. P
  23. St
  24. T
  25. MT
  26. M
  27. mother’s aide, M. She is difficult for me. But very very good to mother and that’s the most important thing. The truth is, her own problems interfere with my mother in other ways, because she’s difficult for the other aides to get along with (and some apartment residents too) but I am grateful that she is good to my mother (looking to concentrate on the good)
  28. meditation. May I not skip it
  29. That I try to inspire others
  30. and sometimes I succeed
  31. hours later now – i’m not feeling very grateful and must – so – um – i’m grateful that i went to my mother’s after all. and helped her.
  32. that i am here home now
  33. ate healthy sandwich
  34. determined not to overeat today
  35. sitcom on
  36. THINK did right thing saying no to aide B taking 2 hours off tomorrow
  37. talking (pming) with K now
  38. Tr DID talk about T’giving – said was hoping to invite me again it’s just that they’re not having at her house
  39. that it is time enough now that i can eat and
  40. then crochet with tv
  41. i’m ok
  42. life will change
  43. i think i did the right thing saying no, aide may not leave tomorrow. long story, lots of reasons, and – it started with a lie anyway, so, no. i think i did the right thing, and so am grateful.
  44. need more gratitudes. come on, girl. – – ok. i am not in an iron lung
  45. i am not in a hospital
  46. i have my faculties about me
  47. i have a good heart
  48. and lungs
  49. and liver
  50. and kidneys
  51. i know how to meditate
  52. and i did today
  53. i can read
  54. and i do now
  55. i do sleep every night. wow, i do have a lot of fortune
  56. the retaining walls are done. finally done.
  57. i laugh
  58. my students that i have this year
  59. i have my Higher Power and people. i am not all alone
  60. i live in a cozy little house
  61. with a roof
  62. and stove
  63. and new bathroom
  64. and washer
  65. and dryer
  66. and dishwasher
  67. and tv
  68. i am employed
  69. i have my two dear little birdies
  70. i can talk
  71. and walk
  72. and hear
  73. and drive
  74. i have a backyard
  75. and front yard
  76. I just had dinner. I remember reading “The Rent Collector,” a book I loved by the way, and believe me, to those people having dinner would be a big deal.
  77. i’m ok now. it’s like, once it gets dark, it’s ok to not be “doing” anything with people out there – no expectations – which of course is yet another reminder to stay In. The. Moment. The only place where life is available, and it is usually okay.
  78. treats for my bords
  79. food for my birds
  80. fresh raw organic greens for my birds
  81. hope
  82. my healthy digestive system
  83. my ww meetings
  84. oa
  85. Thich Nhat Hanh
  86. hope for more vun and joy
  87. the years of love I’ve had.
  88. I will have more. I think i will. yes
  89. I had a truly wonderful father
  90. L
  91. A
  92. D
  93. P
  94. MT
  95. AM
  96. vegan veggie pizza
  97. organic peanut butter
  98. apples
  99. water
  100. heat in my house

Daily Readings – Very Stressful Mother Things and Overslept But Will Start with These

ONLY TWO SINS

. . . . there are only two sins; the first is to
interfere with the growth of another human being,
and the second is to interfere with one’s own growth.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 542

Happiness is such an elusive state. How often do my
“prayers” for others involve “hidden” prayers for my
own agenda? How often is my search for happiness a
boulder in the path of growth for another, or even
myself? Seeking growth through humility and acceptance
brings things that appear to be anything but good,
wholesome and vital. Yet in looking back, I can see
that pain, struggles and setbacks have all contributed
eventually to serenity through growth in the program.
I ask my Higher Power to help me not cause another’s
lack of growth today – or my own.

My takeaway: I don’t know.
Just help me, please.
I can’t put down the food. Again.

Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

I have got rid of most of my boredom. One of the
hardest things that a new member of A.A. has to
understand is how he can stay sober and not be bored.
Drinking was always the answer to all kinds of boring
people and boring situations. But once you have taken
up the interest of A.A., once you have given it your
time and enthusiasm, boredom should not be a problem
to you. A new life opens up before you that can be
always interesting. Sobriety should give you so many
new interests in life that you shouldn’t have time
to be bored. Have I got rid of the fear of being bored?

My takeaway: I understand that “sobriety” (or food sobriety) should give so many interests in life that no time to be bored. But my emotions interfere. I have interests! My teaching and hw that goes with it, piano, reading, nature, crochet and embroidery, coloring, painting, writing, movies with friends, dinners out, walks, exercise, cooking, my birds. But I’m not DOING them. I am “tired.” Which really means, not ok emotionally. Lonely or something…. Hmmm – Will discuss with therapist – whom I only see once a month… need twice a month… must find the money. Okay.
Also am NOT food sober right now… Oh boy. Praying for help. Glad did this reading.

Meditation For The Day

“If I have not charity, I am become as sounding brass or
a tinkling cymbal.” Charity means to care enough about
your fellow man to really want to do something for
him. A smile, a word of encouragement, a word of love,
goes winged on its way, simple enough it may seem,
while the mighty words of an orator fall on deaf ears.
Use up the odd moments of your day in trying to do
some little thing to cheer up your fellow man.
Boredom comes from thinking too much about yourself.

Prayer For The Day

I pray that my day may be brightened by some little
act of charity. I pray that I may try today to overcome
the self-centeredness that makes me bored.

My takeaway: “Use up the odd moments of your day in trying to do
some little thing to cheer up your fellow man.” Wow. Very interesting. I was actually thinking just last week about volunteering in a hospital or something like that. And actually thought need to retire (early) to do that. Turns out I was just OVER stressed being sick for 2 1/2 weeks and having HORRIBLE mother-stuff going on so will not think about earlier retirement. But maybe should do MORE for others… Hmm.
Definitely am self-centered. SO afraid of emotions sinking that I check in a million times a day how am I feeling how am I doing… hmmm…

 

 

Journal Nov 21

I feel like I need a few months to myself and like it’s not a bad thing. I’m not depressed, not even lonely, not even really worried about holidays. I have my job; I have my friends; I have my sort of close person; I have my piano; I have my books; I have my birds lol. Again – I don’t mean never going out, I just mean not looking to date per se. I have had a rough autumn in a number of ways, and feel like once it gets dark I just want to chill here in my home where I am finally comfortable … Not into the trying to find a guy or to be found.
However, I can get a little down and jealous that others have more family…
Hope I’m doing the right thing…