Month: June 2018

Gratitudes June 30 2018

  1. Jo and other worker are downstairs to work in basement so no water anymore …
  2. Jo bought the plunger and has worked on sink! Will get that fixed up today (I hope and think). Yay
  3. Law of Attraction
  4. D
  5. M
  6. nice plans today
  7. after ww meeting
  8. which is also nice
  9. had healthy breakfast
  10. have healthy lunch all picked out (from place we are going)
  11. Tr
  12. N
  13. MT
  14. AM
  15. O
  16. St
  17. Will see St this coming week
  18. A
  19. L
  20. J in my life
  21. Jo in my life
  22. the stick-on mirror
  23. will get new mirror Monday
  24. that I HAVE the hundreds available to do this work after someone hit my car
  25. my eyesight
  26. hot showers
  27. beaches
  28.  pools
  29. water to drink
  30. a roof over my head
  31. freedom
  32. coffee
  33. tea
  34. doctors
  35. eye doctor
  36. eye drops
  37. pharmacy
  38. and they deliver
  39. I am not sick
  40. I have health
  41. and compared to most of the world, wealth
  42. and a job
  43. and teeth
  44. and a car
  45. that is registered
  46. and inspected
  47. and gassed up
  48. and only 3 years old
  49. and low mileage
  50. and just right for me
  51. and not low profile tires, which always caused me trouble on other car
  52. and has a/c (although weak lol)
  53. my house
  54. that i own
  55. with no mortgage now phew!
  56. the pavers i FINALLY had put on patio
  57. and walkways fixed back and
  58. side
  59. soon front steps redone
  60. and new driveway (these things old and needed)
  61. the retaining wall. Finally.
  62. Jo will take me to city to get stones-left-out tickets lowered
  63. I pay my bills
  64. I take care of my birdies
  65. I am cute
  66. I have good hair
  67. and skin
  68. my sweet mother may she now RIP
  69. my dear father may he now RIP
  70. my dear past dog M
  71. the happy chirping of my birds in the house
  72. my piano
  73. the book I’ve finally started writing
  74. giraffes. yes really
  75. people who work to save the enviroment
  76. people (including me) who don’t eat animals
  77. my brain
  78. I have many years – good years – ahead of me probably
  79. CG ran into other day. we will have lunch
  80. KB
  81. MG
  82. See? I really am NOT alone.
  83. My sis
  84. my niece
  85. my nephew
  86. my great niece
  87. and my other great niece
  88. my college education
  89. and my Masters degree
  90. and about 100 credits past it
  91. I am a very good teacher
  92. I am good for children. Phew ❤
  93. flowers on table right here
  94. flowers outside
  95. grass in front
  96. and back
  97. and fences
  98. so much done and redone around here!
  99. that I make enough. Enough
  100. The truth is, I have all the conditions for happiness (as Thich Nhat Hahn says). And I must simple DECIDE to be happy. DECIDE I AM happy. And I do. Right now.

❤

 

Readings June 30 2018

Honor all of who you are. Live with what you love, and let everything else continue its journey. Celebrate your passions and pleasures and give them places to thrive in the paradise of your own making. Cherish the sacred essence in everyone and everything. You’re here to experience a continuum of love as vast as you can imagine. It is the Way.
Terah Kathryn Collins

Affirmations June 30 2018

I say thank you to all the wonderful blessings in my life.

I attract positive circumstances and positive people into my life.

I visualize my ideal life and I watch it manifest.

Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.

I am an open channel for creative ideas.

Everything in my life works now and forevermore.

I am attracting my soulmate and my life is full of love and joy.

All areas of my life are abundant and filling.

Journal June 30 2018

I have realized – wow:
I love who I AM. I appreciate who I AM.
But – at the same time, I feel unacceptable to others and I shrink and become almost invisible – almost non-existent.
Interesting how I got fat – maybe soas to rebel against the becoming invisible and non-existent. I WILL be noticed…

Even walking into store with Jo, I’ll be behind him, and head down. Yesterday walking to car out front with him to put stick-on mirror on, he was on sidewalk and I was in STREET! AND – I LITERALLY almost walked INTO the back of the parked car a couple of houses up. Because I was looking down!
Wow.
That’s sad.

I find myself – unacceptable.
It is partly the rejection/ abandonment thing.
And partly the don’t-want-to-make-waves-don’t-want-to-compete (related, according to former shrink, through mother, to the rejection/abandonment thing).

But this!:dc4697c78a2658216b366217bc599b15.jpg
And may I learn it now!

Journal June 29 2018

So – what about this
When watching 600 lb life,
I think: HOW could those people DO it????
Well – maybe one of the answers is BECAUSE they are SO big, and are desperate for the bariatric surgery, and are frequently in Houston on their own temporarily while going through it,
Maybe they are AWARE it is temporary (the 800 calorie a day or whatever) – (or maybe it isn’t temporary but the living situation is or they THINK the eating is)
ANYWAY, I won’t ALWAYS be sitting here alone at night and trying desperately not to eat. Maybe I need to remember it is TEMPORARY, this situation (and of course I am not at the point they are and do not need surgery – which are bonuses) but TEMPORARY – might help me through…without depression…

Affirmations June 29 2018

I devote a portion of my time to helping others. It is good for my health.

Perfect health is my Divine Right and I claim it now.

Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.
Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.

I am pain-free and totally in sync with life.

Gratitudes June 29

  1. That my car wasn’t more damaged when that person hit it and destroyed the driver’s side external rear view mirror
  2. That Jo came and met me
  3. That Jo took me today to get stick on mirror – and to the car place.
  4. That I thought of the stick-on mirror thing
  5. and made the calls
  6. and found the place
  7. The patio came out nice. I’m not thrilled with the dull color – but oh well – it was done nicely and it is done
  8. They will prob finish the side and/or back walkways today!
  9. Jo will snake or plunge or pour for my clogged sink
  10. I will have a great chill evening
  11. and do a little load laundry short and 2 dresses and couple undies. small load
  12. Tomorrow I will go to ww and see M for the day
  13. shop food pm
  14. Sun laundry if needed and cook – and clothes shop yay
  15. Cleaning ladies did such nice job yesterday 🙂
  16. LOTS of piano practice today.
  17. And – I’m getting stronger can do more…
  18. and better too
  19. my eysight
  20. my dental coverage
  21. my new health cards are working – activated and working fine
  22. i’m okay. i still have – things – problems – but the truth is, I am one of the very luckiest people on the planet. And I know it.
  23. I sleep well
  24. I have amazing interesting dreams!
  25. I am free
  26. I HAVE teeth
  27. I will get the filling things done
  28. and the crown thing done
  29. and I won’t even pay a penny
  30. It doesn’t take me so long to get there either
  31. I have lots of jewelry. (I like jewelry)
  32. I will get shoes that don’t contribute to me falling!
  33. the flowers in the vase here on this table
  34. and the ones outside
  35. perennials AND annuals ❤
  36. showers
  37. baths
  38. water to drink, aplenty
  39. even some flavored
  40. i can read
  41. and have tons of reading material
  42. i can knit
  43. and crochet
  44. and do crewel work
  45. and stamped cross-stitch
  46. and I enjoy those
  47. i have paint things I bought myself
  48. my hands
  49. will have piano lesson soon
  50. am working on little embellishments myself for the Mozart
  51. think WILL give recital here!
  52. fb
  53. texting
  54. PM’ing
  55. the show Mom
  56. the show My 600-lb Life
  57. my dresses, all of them
  58. will wear more and more I hope:)
  59. DOING more this summer – and will
  60. not doing marathans of work stuff to do – doing some most days – of the unpleasant things – til done – and – trying to have them be pleasant, based on my attitude
  61. I see how these people are working omg – cement work (outside) and glass tile work (in bathroom) and I am so grateful that I don’t do it
  62. and that they do
  63. Jo tried to do sink. Couldn’t, cause we can’t find plunger. Will have to buy new tomorrow and
  64. he will fix for me.
  65. humor
  66. laughter
  67. my bed
  68. my couches
  69. i ate dinner. I wonder how many people did not have the luxury of dinner tonight. I will continue to pray for them
  70. my prayers
  71. doing gratitudes
  72. “my” trees
  73. “my” birds (parakeets)
  74. the birdsong outside too
  75. my car
  76. my digestive system
  77. i can hear
  78. i can walk
  79. i can drive
  80. my feet
  81. my particular piano
  82. my kitchen
  83. my glass tiles in the bathroom. I lvoe them
  84. that I am not in the emotional shape I was in a few years ago!
  85. that I am not all alone here in cyber-space. my email said a few people are here with me ❤
  86. tv. i wish I didn’t “have to” feel this way. but tv
  87. my backyard
  88. the little wooden thing
  89. the grass
  90. and the grass out front!
  91. my new sand chair with umbrella
  92. my trunk
  93. my new cushion for outdoor lounge
  94. my breathing
  95. my mouth
  96. my breasts
  97. my legs
  98. my skin
  99. my hair
  100. my compassion
  101. that I don’t eat animals

Gratitudes – because I’m really feeling it June 27 2018

  1. My sister is not mad at me. Left message Monday night and I only just returned it no. Thank God ❤
  2. Got to M yesterday too
  3. WILL reach Ma today
  4. Have let go. Like really let go. Have decided – internalized – realized – that most people are NOT going to “be there” like *I* wish. I cannot give ceaselessly and not feel anger. But the letting go – the not *expecting* has enabled me to give – and receive what they CAN give – without bad feelings. Been weeks. SO glad for this!
  5. A
  6. I have felt really good most of last 2 days (first 2 days of summer vaca)
  7. Got through the bags. Now I will deal with the maybe 3-inch pile on Fri
  8. Meanwhile will do b.r. closet. MAYBE den closet. Maybe not
  9. I do have enough food.
  10. that i am not willing to arrange my schedule or my sexuality around what a guy wants unless *I* want. (Finally).
  11. So I’m back. I’m grateful for the hour and 13 minutes I practiced piano today.
  12. I’m grateful for the just-under-an-hour I walked
  13. I’m grateful for running into CG and being open about it. Again, it’s the no-expectations thing. The opened up thing. The ltfu thing
  14. I am so grateful for the little breeze on my walk
  15. and I went further into the park than yesterrday
  16. all the nature along the way
  17. the lovely scent from those plants on my right as walking
  18. CG’s little dog with the sweet face and adventurous personality
  19. Me giving her Jo’s number for the work – and telilng him
  20. I am so grateful that I came home and went through the gifts!
  21. People were so kind and so generous both!
  22. I got 170 dollars from the class.
  23. On top of that i got a HUNDRED dollars from one parent!
  24. and 50 from another (gift card)
  25. and 50 from another (gift card)
  26. and 30 from another (gift card)
  27. and 25 to a movie from another
  28. I got some gourmet treat (which I dont want but I appreciate)
  29. and a lovely bag
  30. I got a pillow with the word “Breathe” on it
  31. and a little ceramic bird ring-holder
  32. gorgeous flowers
  33. a lovely flowering plant
  34. and a gorgeous drusy and some kind of real gem bracelet:)
  35. The most meaningful words in cards – oh – they warm my heart!
  36. I’m grateful that the thank you notes are in the mail! sealed, stamped and gone:)
  37. I’m grateful that although I did the worng thing eating some of the chocolate covered pretzels, I did the right thing throwing the rest out in the bottom of the garbage!
  38. I am grateful for the pretty patio
  39. and they are working on the walkways
  40. I am grateful that although nothing is perfect, everything is perfect.
  41. I am grateful that I feel so good. i feel – like a full person. Of my age, and also 30 years younger. I don’t WANT to be with anyone who doesn’t WANT to be with me
  42. I lvoe the trees – gorgeous leaves blowing in the breeze right now
  43. all my flowers
  44. my grass
  45. I WANT to live and am SO HAPPY that I didn’t kill myself back then.
  46. I am grateful that I can now say no
  47. I am grateful that I started writing my book today. Yes, I did.
  48. I am grateful for TA. She helps me believe in myself.
  49. got my health and dental cards activated
  50. and gave numbers all to J
  51. had quick nice little chat and text
  52. will drop off tomorrow
  53. straightened from gifts and boxes that have come
  54. almost totally ready for cleaning lady tomorrow
  55. i can see
  56. i can walk
  57. i can drive
  58. i have my driver’s license – new
  59. and inspiection
  60. and registration
  61. and gas in car
  62. my birdies
  63. i will exercise more tomorrow
  64. i will go to dentist
  65. maybe hair
  66. i may do one “job” per day and no “marathons” – and LIVE each day
  67. piano
  68. my mother, God rest her sweet dear soul
  69. my father, God rest his beautiful soul
  70. my grandmother maternal
  71. my grandmother paternal
  72. Tr
  73. MT
  74. D
  75. A
  76. L
  77. M
  78. AM
  79. CG
  80. O – will see soon for lesson I hope
  81. and maybe dinner too
  82. Mozart in my head throughout the days
  83. my hands
  84. that my feet WANT to move
  85. my legs too
  86.  my body
  87. It. Is. Still. June.
  88. Enough. I am doing enough.
  89. And finding some enjoyment every day.