Grats Oct 31 2019

I’m very nervous bec of this gov lawyer thing so I’m going to do grats and wait for that call back, all the grats I can

  1. I am grateful for my eyesight
  2. and for how well both those surgeries went
  3. and for J being here for me re: both

calls coming in – and meeting… – talked with J again
tr calle
it is what it is and it will be ok –

Tarot Oct 31 2019

Today – IV of Swords – Take a break. Find peace and quiet. Relax body and soul. Take it easy.
Listen to inner voice. Consolidate inner resources. Stabilizing.
Peace, stillness. Allow self quiet time to heal. Slow down. Get some reset. Stillness holds its own rewards.

Past, present, future
Past – IV of  Wands – Having your day in the sun, being vindicated, acknowledged recognized. Holding head high, healthy self-esteem. Have worked hard toward goal, and success finally within reach. But too much pride can lead to arrogance. Our talents begin in the Divine, develop with the love and support of others, and express through us.
Present – Reversed Chariot so on way to: reaching goal, coming out on top, feeling self-confident, getting my way. Victories – through willpower and mastery. Victory!
Future – II of Wands – Swaying others to my opinion. Taking the initiative. Seizing the day. Showing originality, doing what no one else has done. Represents individual courage and greatness. Magnet attracting all those within a certain area. Flow from the Divine through me, bringing me a tremendous feeling of expansion and fulfillment. We must be careful not to let the intoxicating feelings that come with power overwhelm our good sense and blind us to our true desires and intentions. Use power wisely . . . enjoy it when it serves your worthwhile purposes. Take this gift and use it to mold your environment in positive ways. The Two of Wands can also stand for an extra dose of daring and inventiveness. When you see this card, trust that the time is right for the bold, creative move that will knock their socks off. Forget subtlety and old, tired approaches. Allow yourself free rein and you’ll be amazed at the results.

Affirmations and LoA

By Default, I Could Have Attracted Unwanted Relationships . . .
Many of the relationships or experiences you have attracted, you would not have deliberately attracted if you had been doing it on purpose, but much of your attraction is not done by deliberate intent but rather by default . . . It is important to understand that you get what you think about, whether you want it or not. And chronic thoughts about unwanted things invite, or ask for, matching experiences. The Law of Attraction makes it so.

Worrying about Illness Can Create More Illness
When you give your attention to something, your potential for attracting it is increased. The more vivid the details, the more likely you are to attract it into your experience. And so, any negative emotion you feel while observing something is your indication that you are negatively attracting.

I Am Standing on the Leading Edge of Thought
Just as all of your experiences, from the time of your birth into your physical body until now, have culminated into who you now are, all that has ever been experienced by All-That-Is has culminated into all that is now being experienced in the physical life experience on planet Earth.

It is our intent to help you to understand the Creative Process, that you may deliberately set into motion those things that you want – through the power of your conscious thoughts.
It is important, also, for you to understand how you are creating those things that you are not wanting, for there is a great deal more of creating by default occurring in your life experience than there is of creating by deliberate intent.

Gratitudes Oct 30 2019

  1. I am so grateful that I found that lawyer. Thank You!
  2. And I left a message.
  3. And dr’s office told me dr DID send that prescription to the pharmacy for me. Thank You!
  4. J being there for me yesterday and walking me through the steps
  5. Me sending him good vibes for his root canal today.
  6. Being able now to follow my own body’s rhythm re: food and sleep!
  7. Abraham Hicks
  8. my abstinence OA. I am on day 4.
  9. Didn’t go to convenience store last night when so stressed.
  10. B just calling. It was a lovely talk.
  11. Me DOING the program now
  12. my sponsor.
  13. That she doesn’t obsess and make me “send her my food” (list daily). She sees the big picture, the real picture – the spiritual malady underneath – and deals with that, with the Big Book (which is AA literature, their main book).
  14. that i went to the meeting yeterday
  15. and i shared
  16. and it was good.
  17. the people in my life. including:
  18. J!
  19. Jo
  20. L
  21. A
  22. MT
  23. Tr
  24. St
  25. D
  26. O
  27. and oa people too! Including:
  28. M (ttown and MK)
  29. E
  30. B
  31. Ba
  32. P
  33. Ja
  34. Ab
  35. M
  36. R
  37. the pharmacy just had my pills delivered! I hadn’t even asked for that! So nice.
  38. enough
  39. my jewelry
  40. Reba show repeats. Yes, really
  41. Distraction when needed.
  42. my freedom
  43. my home
  44. my car
  45. my bank account
  46. that I have a conscience and am a good person
  47. Stpes 10 and
  48. 11
  49. honesty
  50. trust
  51. trustworthy people
  52. people who don’t eat animals
  53. including me

Tarot Oct 30 2019

This Day – The Sun
Finding the sense behind the chaos
Having a personal moment of glory, shining forth brilliantly
Feeling vitality, experiencing joy, enjoying great health
Feeling free and expansive, honoring your true self, knowing you can succeed.
Brilliant, radiant, sparkling, the power and glory of light.

When you see this card, know that you will be successful at all you undertake. Now is the time to let your light shine.

Past, present, future
Past – VI or Swords – Feeling the blues, recovering, entering a new state of mind. Getting by, but not much more. The blues. But then a journey in the inner planes. Also not depths of despair, and moved toward better place. [Self – yup]
Present – Strength. Knowing you can endure, showing a gallant spirit. Being patient. Showing forbearance. Compassion, acceptance, being kind. Demonstrating the force of love.
Perseverance, courage, resolve, composure. Have character, are solid, reliable. Dealing calmly with frustration. The lion (itself a symbol of strength) is being guided and tamed by the woman’s gentle hands. Reminder to not despair – not give up. You have the inner strength to endure and triumph. Remember the strength that comes with love and forbearance. These will see you through the hardest moments.
Future – IX of Pentacles – self-control, discipline, sticking to a program. Relying on self, sure way is best. Achieving comfortable lifestyle, avoiding the coarse and unsavory, enjoying leisure.
All that is most gracious. Discipline and self-control. Self-reliance; resist temptation to let others do for you. Enjoying all the best life has to offer.

Affirmations and LoA Oct 30 2019

Attempting to Control Others Attracts More to Be Controlled . . .
It is easy to understand how you would come to the conclusion that your path to feeling good is through influencing or controlling the behavior of others. But as you attempt to control them (through influence or coercion), you discover that not only can you not contain them – but your attention to them brings more like them into your experience. You simple cannot get to where you want to be by attempting to control or eliminate the unwanted.

I Can Change My Life by Changing My Thoughts
By choosing a thought that feels slightly better than the thoughts  you have been thinking, you can gradually change the direction of your thoughts. By focusing upon a better-feeling thought, the Law of Attraction will respond to that thought; and therefore the balance of your thoughts will now improve.

I Am Rediscovering the Art of Allowing My Natural Well-Being
We call this discipline the Art of Allowing. It is the Art of Allowing the Well-Being – which makes up every particle of that which you are and that which you come from – to continue to flow through you as you continue to be.

You are a seeker of freedom, but that is a given – you don’t have to earn it, just acknowledge it. You are a seeker of growth, but that’s not your main event, that is a by-product. First and foremost, you are a joy seeking being, one who seeks to uplift, to applaud to appreciate, to add pure positive Energy.
Your Natural State is one of Grace. You are delightful, delicious, valuable Beings, and as you acknowledge that and then from that perspective look out to make your decision . . . now you are adding unto.

Feel Fear and Overwhelment So Doing Many Gratitudes Octr 29 2019

I am grateful for:

  1. my eyesight
  2. my hearing
  3. my hands
  4. piano
  5. jigsaw puzzles
  6. this laptop
  7. my iPhone
  8. my car
  9. got birdies back today and
  10. they are fine
  11. even despite mishap in car omg
  12. hope in all ways
  13. so many changes i have made
  14. Jo’s help
  15. that i can walk
  16. that i can drive
  17. that i can read
  18. i have a home
  19. i have a car
  20. i have a piano
  21. i have a kitchen
  22. equipped with everything i need
  23. and more than only what i “need” of course
  24. D driving last night
  25. it was a lovely meeting
  26. i CAN go to one today IF i want
  27. i do NOT have MS
  28. I do NOT have CFS
  29. i do NOT haveCF
  30. I do not have anything big wrong terminal etc anywhere
  31. nice people
  32. veganism every day of it i’ve had/have and everyone else has had/has
  33. my birds
  34. my sunroom
  35. my plants
  36. the bug guy
  37. Tr
  38. MT
  39. J
  40. Oh! That he is in my life!
  41. good lawyers
  42. good doctors
  43. my pharmacy
  44. and that they even deliver
  45. safety – every bit of it
  46. “my” trees
  47. my interests and hobbies
  48. St
  49. D
  50. O
  51. my niece
  52. and great niece
  53. and other great niece
  54. and nephew in las
  55. and nephew
  56. enough. i DO have ENOUGH
  57. clothes
  58. and will get some more soon
  59. 2 days of abstinence – what a gift
  60. Hicks
  61. sleep
  62. Hicks about naps
  63. and my father’s example about naps
  64. and about Buddhism although I wouldn’t hink he thought of it that way
  65. celery and my now appreciation of it
  66. onions
  67. carrots
  68. chili
  69. soups
  70. artichokes
  71. green beans
  72. chickpeas
  73. pinto beans
  74. black beans
  75. lentils
  76. red lentils
  77. collards
  78. green chard
  79. spinach
  80. kale
  81. broccoli
  82. walnuts
  83. pecans
  84. almonds
  85. pb2 and peanut butter & company both powders
  86. that i can read
  87. books
  88. my bed
  89. my breath
  90. that i can speak
  91. my sculptures
  92. and things on walls
  93. my TNH calligraphies
  94. and the one for J
  95. and that he kind of cherishes it really
  96. he might not be so sure
  97. that he was here for me in every way both eye surgeries
  98. honesty
  99. no bs
  100. no M
  101. i am hating step 9 but will be through it soon
  102. I am afraid about certified letter that came today but it will work out one way or another. won’t kill me.
  103. i was really tired of work and am glad that
  104. L
  105. A
  106. fb
  107. pms
  108. text messages
  109. email
  110. snail mail
  111. my mail carrier
  112. my garbagemen
  113. kind people
  114. people who save and who help animals
  115. in fact, i am not alone
  116. i have my IB
  117. and my fam
  118. and my friends
  119. and my birds
  120. and plants and nature
  121. my brain
  122. my mouth
  123. i can swallow
  124. and digest
  125. and absorb
  126. and eliminate
  127. my legs
  128. losing weight
  129. my sponsor
  130. can go to meeting today if want – or 2 even
  131. being afraid of something (this letter from the state) is not death. i can do things. i have done harder
  132. i have program
  133. and big book
  134. and some phone numbers

Affirmations and LoA

When I Want It and Allow It, I Create It
The two factors required in the creation of anything are to want it and allow it, or desire and belief. Usually, once people have focused upon problems enough that they have disallowed their Well-Being and they are seriously ill, they then turn their undivided attention to the illness – thus perpetuating it more. Sometimes doctors can influence your belief in wellness if they have a process or a remedy that they believe will help you. In that case, the two factors that bring about your healing are the same: desire and belief.

It is not my responsibility to convince anyone of anything.
Make your decisions about what you want, and set out to create the life experiences that you choose – and allow all others to do the same.

I Have Complete Control Over My Own Thoughts . . .
You can find yourself in an endless loop where you explain that you feel negative because of the negative behavior of someone else. But if, instead, you take control of your own emotions and you think an improved thought because it feels better to do so, you can turn it around. You have no real control of what anyone else is doing with their Vibration (or with their actions, for that matter), but you have complete control over your own thoughts, Vibrations, emotions, and point of attraction.

I See Myself Enjoying Perfect Well-Being
“I see myself in perfect health, with absolute prosperity, and invigorated with life. I am appreciating this physical life that I wanted, as I decided to be a physical Being. It is glorious to be here making decisions with my physical brain but accessing the power of the Universe through the power of the Law of Attraction.”

All-That-Is . . . Is Benefiting from My Existence
No matter what has caused your unique point of view to come about – it has come about. you do exist; you are thinking; you are perceiving; you are asking – and you are being answered. And All-That-Is is benefiting from your existence and from your point of view.

You now intuitively, instinctively, innately that it’s supposed to be good, that’s why when it’s not, it irritates you so much. That’s the reason you hate injustice, that’s the reason you hate unfairness, that’s the reason that anger bothers you so much.
You are free when you are no longer feeling guilt. You are free when you are no longer feeling anger; you are free when you are no longer feeling bitterness; you are free when you are no longer feeling lonely. You are free when you are feeling who you really are, which is positive emotion! That is freedom, and that is what you really are!
[Self – wow this is SO Hicks too]

Often, when you are interacting with others, you may be confused about whether the thought actually feels better to you, or whether you are offering it because you think it is the choice someone else would want you to make. It is important to leave everyone else’s ideas, desires, opinions, and beliefs aside while you identify, for yourself, how you feel.


Step 9 – Holy the Fuck Oct 29 2019

Started first amends, but changing at book store.
Made second amends, to Jo, yesterday. And gave money.
Made to E when he called this am, about calls, so on phone.
Took 2 steps to contact Ji. First was former friend, who called back, but can’t reach. So nice of him to call back. Second was leaving a message through his business page I found online. Had also tried fb and omg my stomach is reacting from seeing the pics wow.
This is hard.
Feels so good when getting through them.
**Also – might not be entirely unrelated – have just had 2 “easy” clean days of abstinence. Wow. Okay…

Affirmations and LoA Oct 29 2019

Before I Take Any Action, I Will Seek My Vibrational Alignment
Seek your vibrational alignment first, and then follow through with inspired action. Let your medical community assist you in your recovery, but do not ask them to do the impossible – do not ask them to give you a cure to compensate for your misalignment of Energy.
We want you to know that you have the power to accomplish anything that you desire, but you cannot look outside of yourself for the validation to do so; your validation will come from within you in the form of emotion.

My Sympathy Is of No Value to Anyone
If you do not focus upon others’ problems, you can continue to feel good, but they will still have the problem. That is true, at first. But if you do focus upon their problem, you feel bad, they continue to feel bad – and they still have the problem. And if you continue to focus on their problem, you will have a problem, too, in time. Instead, if you try to imagine their positive outcome, you feel good – and there is then the possibility of your influencing them to more positive thoughts and outcomes.

Babies Are Thinking and Attracting Before They Are Speaking
Even though you are only months old in your physical body, you are a very od and wise creator focused in that baby’s body, and you came with powerful intentions. People often assume that because a child is not yet offering words, the child could not be the creator of its own experience, but it is our promise to you that no one else is creating your experience. Children emanate Vibrations – which are the reason for what they attract – even from their time of birth.

I See Myself Enjoying Absolute, Continuing Abundance
“I choose absolute and continuing abundance, for I understand that there is no limit to the abundance in the Universe; and so by my attracting abundance to myself, I am not limiting another. There is enough for everyone. The key is for each of us to see it and want it – and then we will each attract it.”

When My Desires and Beliefs Are a Vibrational Match
   That which is like unto itself is drawn, so the vibration of your Being must match the vibration of your desire. Another way of saying that is: Your desires and your beliefs must be a vibrational match in order for you to receive that which you desire.

     When you become so determined that you want to feel good – you have become as your Inner Being is, in such a pure place of Positive Energy – then that which is “negative energy” simply can’t mix with you. It defies Law. If you are very strong an clear about your positive wanting, and feeling it, then “bad” things simply cannot get in. Colds can’t get in, murderers can’t get in, car accidents can’t get in, anything that you are not wanting cannot be your personal experience.
There is never what you consider to be a perfect place or perfect conditions or a perfect set of circumstances. in other words, it does not exist out there. You are the creator of it!
The world does not need saving. Your planet is in perfect balance and will always be!

Every subject is really two subjects: something that you desire, and the absence of something that you desire. If you do not understand that these are very different vibrational frequencies, then you may believe that you are focused on something that you desire, when you may, in fact, be focused in the opposite direction.