Covid 19 Journal March 30 2020

I’m scared
I am alone too much
I am overeating 😦
What if – I have sugar problem or stroke or heart or pneumonia…
Chances are I won’t.
But too much time alone and I start to worry.

What I will do:
Eat well.
move
Get fresh air and sunshine.
Listen to more Hicks
Pray and meditate.
Practice piano

Whatever the hell else I fuckign feel like, as long as is healthy for me physically, emotionally, spiritually.

Inspiration – for Me – and Maybe for You?

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Good Morning Dear God, my Creator and Maker of all things good.
I love You. I worship and adore only You.
Thank You for my mother’s miracle.
And for all those years.
Thank You for J
And  Br
And cousin P
and A
and L
And St
And MT
And Tr
And Am
And H
And K
And Je
And Jo
I am sorry for losing faith and becoming afraid. Faith and fear do not co-exist. I am sorry for not doing more to revers this artery blockage by now. I AM starting TODAY!
I am sorry for being a lazy sloth yesterday.
I am sorry for resentments.
Please. Keep me safe, and J and my nieces and nephew and Je and Jo and KC and everyone here and beyond.
Please heal my fears.
Amen

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Journal Mar 19 2020

I am so grateful that I want to live.
I remember when I didn’t.

And that God is in charge. My sponsor for reminding me of that.
Acceptance.

Chances are, I will live through this. And the fear that I won’t, will – should – will – help me to not stress about other crap.

And cousin P, for telling me how when she had her malignant breast tumor removed, she asked doctor, “Could this have been from stress?” And he said yes. *She had been through HELL. – And that she decided then and there, “I will not take on stress like that again.”

❤ ❤ ❤

March 19 2020 Grats on This First Day of Spring…

  1. cara cara oranges
  2. food delivery
  3. honest people
  4. people with whom I have a relationship and no bad feelings (either way, that I know of) Including:
  5. niece
  6. great niece
  7. other great niece
  8. nephew-in-law
  9. nephew
  10. cousin P
  11. cousin L
  12. other cousin L
  13. Tr
  14. MT
  15. St
  16. A
  17. L
  18. J
  19. Jo
  20. others too, although less close or not get to see or only online. Including
  21. O
  22. BV
  23. O
  24. MI
  25. N
  26. KC
  27. DS
  28. my strong immune system
  29. clean water
  30. roof over my head
  31. plants
  32. birds
  33. time to rest
  34. soap
  35. technology
  36. self love
  37. walks in my neighborhood
  38. online workouts
  39. books
  40. retirement
  41. possibilities
  42. doctors
  43. hereos
  44. piano
  45. coloring
  46. painting
  47. embroidery
  48. knitting
  49. tv
  50. crochet
  51. French
  52. face creams
  53. hand and foot creams
  54. baths
  55. showers
  56. phone chats
  57. made 2 calls got 2 calls in last 2 days
  58. food
  59. toilet paper
  60. that i’m not  binging out on junk
  61. youtube specials on the royals. enjoyed yesterday’s
  62. sleep
  63. my sponsor
  64. my sponsee
  65. clean clothes
  66. clean dishes
  67. all the prescriptions and vitamins and over the counter things I need
  68. paper towels
  69. napkins
  70. towels
  71. sheets
  72. that I am alive
  73. and breathing
  74. and sighted
  75. and hearing
  76. and walking
  77. and talking
  78. and thinking
  79. my faith
  80. my positivity
  81. I am not alone
  82. my birdies are healthy

Feeling Lonely, and hurt by “friend” need GRATS Mar 15 2020

  1. I am well
  2. I can see
  3. i can hear
  4. i can walk
  5. i can think
  6. i can read
  7. i have food
  8. i have toilet paper
  9. i have water
  10. i have heat as needed
  11. i have my birds
  12. they are healthy
  13. phone convo today with F
  14. will do mindfulness in under an hour with DS
  15. my darling niece A
  16. and H
  17. and K
  18. and dearheart nephew D
  19. my friendship with A
  20. and L
  21. and St
  22. and Tr
  23. and MT
  24. and J
  25. and Jo
  26. and oa:Je
  27. and Cl
  28. and P
  29. and RL
  30. and E
  31. and RV
  32. cousin P
  33. and Li
  34. and Lo
  35. online cousin K
  36. and Jn
  37. and KC
  38. and BV
  39. and NF
  40. and J.A
  41. and K
  42. and SB
  43. MI
  44. AMOH
  45. JL
  46. MG
  47. CP
  48. That I can stay at home
  49. To keep from going cray I can: read
  50. and do French work
  51. and practice piano
  52. and embroider
  53. and knit
  54. and crochet
  55. and needlepoint
  56. and paint
  57. and color
  58. and check cab for other hobbies
  59. can call people
  60. do oa online meetings
  61. do oa phone meetings
  62. can text with people
  63. can email people
  64. ***can take walks!
  65. *** can sit outside and read when not too cold
  66. ***can do my Beachbody dvd workouts!
  67. and meditate
  68. and pray
  69. and do oa work
  70. and cook
  71. tame budgies
  72. add more toys for them
  73. can even clean drawers
  74. and closets
  75. and cabinets
  76. and hope chest
  77. and shelves (all is in order in my house but i could afford to go through my stuff0
  78. And this will only further my strength!
  79. my sense of humor
  80. my sleep
  81. that M is not in my life
  82. talking to my sponsor about the D situation phew
  83. my laptop
  84. Thank God that I HAVE the birds – I could tame them now – hm I’ll go add that to the list of what to do and also change out (add more) toys
  85. and very grateful that i just ate a salad for dinner 🙂
  86. pickles. yes really.
  87. that I am not in a hospital
  88. that I am not here with abusers
  89. my breathing is so good
  90. and voice
  91. and digestive system
  92. people who are smart and degreed and experienced and doing the right things
  93. that i can still pay my bills
  94. that gym has frozen temporarily for me
  95. and massage has til they hear back ( i think)
  96. i have not been on a ship
  97. or in a plane
  98. or train or subway
  99. or bus
  100. my new birdie is so playful
  101. and – it makes me think of how to do yet more for him
  102. Addendums: like ww Connect
  103. fb
  104. that I’m not in prison
  105. not dying
  106. not all alone in the big wide world really
  107. hope
  108. vegan cheese

Big Gratitudes March 14 2020

At this time, I am so aware of how much I have.
Realizing how much you have to lose helps you see how much you have!
The things I *somewhat* take for granted every day. Wow. Including:

  1. indoor plumbing
  2. for toilet
  3. and bathroom sink
  4. and kitchen sink
  5. and shower
  6. bathtub
  7. and washing machine
  8. and even dishwasher
  9. my front steps. i sat on them yesterday and last week, and read. so, not totally alone – people come by… – and yet am safe
  10. plus they’re stone. and pretty
  11. my bed. i read something yesterday that said, “We are 3 meals and a bed away from violence” or something like that and i thought of the fortune and importance of having a bed
  12. let alone a good one. queen size sleep number.
  13. with soft sheets
  14. and multiple pillows
  15. and blanket
  16. and spread
  17. comfort and sleep
  18. that i DO sleep every night
  19. my interesting dreams
  20. my refrigerator
  21. credit card. for ordering online
  22. that i have plenty of food here and coming
  23. my eye drops
  24. my meds
  25. my pharmacy
  26. and that they deliver
  27. vitamin c
  28. and b
  29. and d
  30. water. wow so fortunate to have plenty of water
  31. delivery people
  32. their trucks
  33. packaging that helps enable…
  34. Dave’s killer bread
  35. organic foods
  36. fruits
  37. veggies
  38. my birds
  39. that I have plenty of food for them!
  40. and treats
  41. all the health care workers
  42. I just got foods delivered. And more coming Monday. I have/will have plenty. Thank you, God!
  43. hand washing
  44. soap
  45. hand soap
  46. sanitizer
  47. shampoo
  48. shower gel
  49. socks
  50. foot cream
  51. Serious Skin Care
  52. froze gym account
  53. froze massage account
  54. have French lesson scheduled (is online)
  55. thankful that it’s online
  56. E sending me all those things virtually every morning
  57. jammies
  58. comfy clothes today
  59. pretty hair
  60. happy birdies
  61. heat and air conditioning and windows in my house
  62. roof
  63. oa meeting on phone
  64. this laptop
  65. cell phone
  66. knitting
  67. piano
  68. coloring
  69. crochet
  70. embroidery
  71. French
  72. plants
  73. neat home  –

 

My Complete-Meal Soup (and yum)

1 T evoo
garlic (2 cloves?)
onion ( < 1 )
celery with tops
carrots
1 box broth – and water with cube also
½ bag frozen collards
1 package smoked tempeh
1 package brown rice

Bring to boil, then simmer, lid askew, for – an hour? less?
*veggies, protein, grain, and tasty!

March 11 2020 My Gratitudes Today

  1. dinner with J the other night
  2. hearing from my darling nieces yesterday
  3. and from MT
  4. and from Tr
  5. and the fb ones
  6. and L
  7. A helping me so much about coronavirus fears
  8. my health
  9. that i’m not older yet
  10. my and all who are praying for the even more vulnerable re this virus
  11. GC
  12. enough money
  13. enough food
  14. enough toilet tissue
  15. enough napkins
  16. running water. really
  17. enough soaps
  18. enough detergent
  19. books
  20. coloring books
  21. piano
  22. knitting
  23. crocheting
  24. paint supplies. Plenty
  25. embroidery and needlework supplies. Plenty.
  26. tv
  27. cell phone
  28. *Abraham Hicks!*
  29. meditation. (should do more)
  30. vegetables here. fresh and frozen
  31. fruits here. fresh
  32. and frozen
  33. breads, whole grain
  34. including frozen.
  35. lentils
  36. and chickpeas
  37. and beans
  38. and canned veggies
  39. and canned fruits
  40. and some canned soups
  41. even some “treats” – vegan of course – including popcorn
  42. and cliff bars
  43. and 1 luna bar
  44. and dried chickpea snack packs
  45. peanut butter
  46. sugar free jelly
  47. some frozen meals (3)
  48. some fake meat
  49. nuts
  50. and seeds
  51. oatmeal
  52. and grits
  53. and cream of wheat
  54. dried edamame
  55. whole grain pastas
  56. and sauces
  57. pickles
  58. almond milk
  59. almond milk yogurt 3
  60. that I am good emotionally. Oh, thank God. I remember when it wasn’t like that. I am so grateful!
    my hearing
  61. my eyesight
  62. called dentist
  63. and massage person
  64. my piano
  65. Mozart
  66. Czerny
  67. Chopin
  68. Bach
  69. Beethoven
  70. O
  71. St
  72. all my safeties
  73. all my freedoms
  74. losing weight
  75. eating better
  76. my immune system
  77. prayer
  78. God
  79. fb friends
  80. that I am vegan!
  81. kind people
  82. people who help animals
  83. and the vulnerable
  84. including the elderly
  85. and each other
  86. church lately
  87. that I have shared with those less fortunate
  88. and will continue too
  89. jewelry yes
  90. J
  91. Jo
  92. my house
  93. my yard
  94. that i can read
  95. my front steps done
  96. and retaining wall done
  97. and banister done
  98. and bathroom done
  99. my kitchen
  100. my new stove
  101. and washer
  102. and dryer
  103. and towels
  104. cooking
  105. my interests
  106. my brain
  107. my parents
  108. my spirituality
  109. my homemade soup
  110. my sense of humor
  111. laughter
  112. TM
  113. hearing from D yesterday
  114. hearing from Tr today
  115. and MT
  116. *** That when I don’t worry about the future, I am so good in the moment
  117. and that that is almost always

 

To Do When Sort of Sequestered – to Not Go Crazy

Piano. I can become a much better player!
Exercise once daily plus a walk (weather permitting). I certainly will have the time now!
Read. I have books. And even in bag in car-trunk. And “books on tape” as well!
French. Wow, I can learn a LOT of French.
Knit. Can do while watching tv or movies.
Color
Embroidery – can even finish some projects.
Cook healthy things.

So:
Piano
French
Books
Embroidery
Excersice
Knit
Color(and cook)
And don’t forget listen to the Hicks books