last one summer 20 was bef. pandemic/ also will help miracle working on/ will contribute to bucket list possibilities…

what if
how HE feels about me were not an issues at ALL

and whether ANYONE wants me were not

what would i be doing

i now know I don’t like how I FEEL after eating like crap
so i want to not do that anymore
def stay vegan
more whole real foods
no junk even ww or other like that. should not need snacks.
it. has. never. helped.
and. it. has. hurt.

so i would be eating well
and reading
cleaning and doing laundry and cooking and sending for groceries
a little French and piano and jigsaw puzzles and exercise
daily walks
zoom meetings
phone calls
OUTSIDE TIME! ALL I CAN GET! – as long as feels good – which it always has! every time!

if things are still this way in the fall and even winter, then LOTS piano and French and jigsaw and exercise
and physically distant visits

Journal Feb 9 2020

A lot of thought and a talk with A and some researach and line -and a breakthrough. Here it is:

i think i have to
find more of a LIFE
i have started
need some but few meetings (oa)
and make sure make OWN decisions who/how to be
and live more. NOW.
not associate self or others with addiciton addiction addiction
yes with trying to live reat life
not speak of character defects. i don’t like the language. but of unskillfulness (like THN). and most of all Hicks and the positives