Journal Feb 10 2020 eyes and health…

Went to eye dr for checkup as retinologist hadn’t seen my eyes without cataracts
Pressure great!
Vision great!
2 small things found, about which retinologist said: You shouldn’t even think about worrying. I expect you to see well for the rest of your life. – I was clearly worried – She then said, If you finish with your whole list of worries, and then global warming,
and then do the whole list again, THEN maybe you can start to think about it”
I came home and googled. Think will be okay. But…

So now:
i just had real-food lunch including leafy greens
i am on way to the gym
i will meditate

Journal Feb 9 2020

A lot of thought and a talk with A and some researach and line -and a breakthrough. Here it is:

i think i have to
find more of a LIFE
i have started
need some but few meetings (oa)
and make sure make OWN decisions who/how to be
and live more. NOW.
not associate self or others with addiciton addiction addiction
yes with trying to live reat life
not speak of character defects. i don’t like the language. but of unskillfulness (like THN). and most of all Hicks and the positives

Healing and Staying Healthy – Cardiologist Visit 1/13/20

So I got up early, and tired lol, and got to the gym. Yay.
Then came home and took 2nd shower, and got to the cardiologist.
It went well. Looking at it for that and is true.
He did use a word like assertive or aggressive in terms of my losing weight and exercising – that he’d said it – but he hadn’t – I have to remember now that his APPROACH is very gentle. But it is as important to do…
He said what we are doing is risk management. The pills, losing weight, exercising, and talked about breathing and meditation and the calm app and all day breathing for calmness before during… anything…
And its importance because I must be in a constant underlying fight or flight response in order for the reactions I’m feeling.
But my blood pressure is great.
And my cholesterol has been greatly affected by the pills.
Still, calcification in the main main artery!

So –
I have a plan
And I am going to ramp it up a bit

Grow As Self

How to keep growing and enjoying, as Self. What I can think of:

keep looking good every day
keep eating well, including enough greens and lots of water
exercise, if only to walk and/or dvds
spirituality! 10th step whenever need daily 11th step “checkup”
daily prayer
daily meditation
review from this morning on phone with M

Sept 22 2019

As of tomorrow, there are 100 days left in 2019.
What do I want – what would I like – what do I intend – to be, do, or have… (I like that better than “accomplish”, a la Hicks)


Ornish eating
Move every day. Can add to walking, the dances like Country Heat and Cize, that I already have! – and even some little weights or the gym
Have a French teacher by the end
The Ornish (plus mine) stress management daily (find better term more positive – maybe happiness building or happiness maintaining or happies yes I like that one)
Hair, clothes, creams, makeup
Plan my trip for spring or summer!
I intend to feel joyous and peaceful, both, every day!
Have some fun every day!
Be true to myself.
Continue keeping all my promises. Including the picking stuff up, the be my honest true self, the be forgiving compassionate and accepting (not doormat) and the looking a certain way every day.
Laugh – daily!
Give time to my birdies – daily.
~STAY in this grateful magic space (the after-eye surgery place)
xo ❤
*WOW! What a life I’ll be having with this!