I just feel so off.
Sun I was dizzy – and I ate not the best, in response (crazy).
Mon not dizzy but eating worse.
Now of course emotions not tippy top…
Getting down over holiday – and bigger, like:
I didn’t pour myself into that job all those years to be alone now. I did it so WE could have this time together!
Do NO know – go the “this path” as D says
or – give up. pure acceptance, like program.
Must be a way to combine the two…
Anyway, my bottom, that I reached about almost 8 years ago, wishing to die and praying for it etc etc – – –
well maybe this is the next one now
And maybe the ONLY answer
is to give up
turn it ALL over
Has my way worked? Gotten it anywhere, that one issue (J)
Same with eating
Maybe I need to be ready – maybe I am ready – to truly turn it ALL over
I need help I know that. Higher Power… Because I don’t want to be alone, but others scheeve me out, and I don’t want to keep suffering.
I guess it’s not REALLY worse than when was with and he didn’t want to be… those awful family days…
And I DESERVE someone who wants ME
And who knows? This COULD still happen
He is choosing to be in my life…
And maybe, just maybe, I’m supposed to be — am — learning something from this? Growing…
It’s just that I – I want what others have!
I’m nice. Why not me?
So many have.
Ok, so well, the way I grew up was rough and there were long-term implications… And I have done very well, job home, niceness, not criminal, etc.
I’m doing the best I can
I’m a LOT better than before.
Than ever before.
and I am about to turn it ALL over
Also, I WANT more irl life. Fb is only fb. Meetings, well… I need my OWN tribe!
I didn’t POUR myself into that job for “us.” I WORKED for “us.” I POURED myself in for the kids and myself.
And then –
I am not the only one.
There are many many others.
Some without food even
Ask God to go before me – EVERY situation
And what to do about this, that, EVERYTHING
some from the Ornish stuff
The OA things
Meditate, of course
You know how I want to find out from Abraham, how to NOT manifest injuries/illnesses because simply those are THE times I don’t care so much about J… I care only about getting better.
Well, that PROVES – the fact that i want to find out how not to – PROVES FURTHER that I DO care so much about mySELF!