Nov 5 2020

This feeling –
Huge this: this feeling – is it so different than when he WAS here, and I was worried because he was so… … …
indifferent, angry, depressed, sullen… …

I am starting to feel a bit better. Friends on fb, where I asked for support, time after the vaccine, and piano, have all helped. Huge point above though.

Going Cray Cray – But

Too much time alone!
But not so hot and humid. And my head is better. And I can walk, sit outside, take drive,
*practice piano

*do some French
*color a bit

And what if I tried to look as good as I can every day. I mean jewelry, clothes, hair, temporary tatoos…
Even have fun with it.

And the time will pass. And the pandemic will be over. And I will have lost all the weight.

July 22 2020

“You look at the situation you find yourself in. And you decide which is your best shot at happiness in it. And you go for that.”

Happy Words
The night before she left for her family vaca in California, my best friend (who died suddenly Tues night on that trip) shared this with me and it is POSITIVE and I am SO GRATEFUL that she shared it with me! So I want YOU to have it!

She told me how when her parents were in their 40’s, her father died suddenly. Her mother went back to teaching… fast forward -> At about age 62, her mother decided to move to California from the east. Everyone told her she was crazy and shouldn’t but she did. Got a teaching job out there. Wound up meeting a lovely man and remarrying 1 – 2 years after she moved there. Eventually, some time in her 60’s, left teaching and went into his antiquing business with him. Had many happy years!

And these are the words and lessons/examples my friend learned from her mother. Through the above and throughout many times in their lives. I typed as she was telling me – she really wanted me to have this – and I really want you to!

“Evaluate your choices and take the shot that looks most promising to you and probably the most rewarding and fun.”


“You can change things at *any* time.”

Simple. Profound.

July 15 2020

My grandmother once gave me a tip:
In difficult times, you move forward in small steps.
Do what you have to do, but little by little.
Don’t think about the future, or what may happen tomorrow.
Wash the dishes.
Remove the dust.
Write a letter.
Make a soup.
You see?
You are advancing step by step.
Take a step and stop.
Rest a little.
Praise yourself.
Take another step.
Then another.
You won’t notice, but your steps will grow more and more.
And the time will come when you can think about the future without crying.

– Elena Mikhalkova

Don’t Feel Bad, Self June 21 2020

Don’t feel bad (to self)
None of it MATTERED
Because I didn’t FEEL good

So – yes – I could have had the pics of the NYE parties, family barbeques, etc etc. But *I* felt invisible, discontent, defective, scared, utterly unhappy. Not there. Veil over everything.

So, Self, don’t feel bad – you are OK now. You did all you could at the times. Now you are ok. And you WILL have fun times again! ❤