REMEMBER that day in June – into night – emergency, ambulance, hallway in hospital.
REMEMBER the results – lung and heart things
REMEMBER what Cousin said about: NEVER AGAIN! About her OWN stress!
And so: never again!
I’m happy in this moment.
Okay so here’s the thing:
I’m happy in this moment.
I got up, showered, had coffee and prayed and did morning step 11, Jo came to start work, I did dishes and took up laundry and cared for birds, made bed
then went to gym and worked out, came home and showered again and washed my hair, dressed
Now am cooking something from the book, Vegan Planet (Ribolleti), and doing some more spiritual stuff. Texting love with nieces ❤ The tv is on. The birds in here are singing.And I feel good. THIS moment is not about him…
Just good to remember…
My biggest best job for happy future is to feel good now.
Also, when feel bad, remember if J were coming home tonight, might I (in the former days) have felt this same way.
Feel same anyway. And later may well still be coming, but further later lol
Wow. That didn’t take much. I was feeling good.
Then got good hopeful-news call from lawyer about tons-of-money thing that might not be the problem it looked like it had to be.
Called J ’cause he has paper lawyer needs, from my mother’s estate.
J was nice. Fine. Yes will bring…
And all he said was – ALL he said – was, in discussing the driveway situation here, “Well what you have is…” – and my stomach has been falling out for 2 hours since then. It was so – foreign. So “you” “there” so – separate. And the hope that who knows, things can change, went away. I have since made healthy soup, looked in Big Book, called a friend, taken another call. Heart still pounding stomach still affected. Don’t know what else to do.
Will listen to Abraham Hicks.
MAYBE practice piano.
Help me, please, God.
— Ok so I spoke with sponsor (texting). After some questions, she wound up with:
The only healthy thing I can see you doing is to just be neutral about it and just let things happen as they. Remember…God is running your life now.
God is running my life now. THAT is actually a RELIEF.
Thank You. Amen.
Thank you, Daddy.
Thank you, Mommy.
Thank You, God.
Thank you, Friends.
Both eyes went perfectly well.
Now I just need the lung to. I think it will.
I have started to choose fun and adventure rather than just safety and boring.
I have come to accept where J is in my life and appreciate it.
I have come to love every day.
I have come to love myself.
I have felt bliss many many times.
I am grateful. A bit tired and dehydrated so can’t think much more at the moment. But wanted to record this. Grateful.
- II don’t eat animals
- have compassion
- I hold NO grudges
- I don’t break confidences
- i am kind
- I am funny
- I am smart
- I never give up
- I do whatever needed for anyone depending on me, including people which includes fam and friends and students and co-workers, and animals, like today coming home to make sure temp for birdies
- I am educated.
- i have a lot to give
- I do my best and therefore sleep with a clean conscience in the day
- I am spiritual
- i am deep
- i am pretty open
- i am pretty honest
- i am still – always – growing and changing
- i did best i could teaching
- i was a good daughter to my mother
- i am selfless in many instances
- i always “work” on myself to be beter and better
- would i want me for a friend? yes
- for a spouse? yes!
- for a sibling? yes!
- i am SO MUCH healthier than ever before!
- i supported myself for over 32 years!
- and someone else for part of it!