Nov 20 ’23

So.
It is what it is.
(And the other part of me wants to say, “It is the fuck what it fucking the fuck fucking is.”)

Jo cannot. He is unable to let himself care THAT MUCH. MUST maintain a level of distance (beyond what a healthy relationship has). It’s how he got through the last 20 – 25 difficult full years. His closeness is with his children and community and extended family and even that has an ability to detach with loss.

J cannot. He was not just not into me; he is incapable. Of all people, D said that ha. She was right.

I FINALLY – feel – what I’ve always KNOWN and WANTED to feel. And would have advised anyone else. I don’t want someone who doesn’t want (and prioritize?) me.
—
And – the very next day, Jo came for visit. And J called could we have dinner; he would take me out or if I wanted to see dog, he would bring dinner here.
I had TWO visits.
And lots of hugs.
Yay.
—
I really DO have family. It’s just not like how I’d pictured it. Which may be good lol.
I have, in terms of family:
J, L and L, P, A and H and K and J.
And Tr who is like fam and always says that. And the S little group.

And there’s the Mary Oliver poem about zesting an orange
And I have friends like MT and St
And people in my classes
—

Nov 10 ’23

1. Feeling SO GOOD today!
2. Literally in car said aloud, “I FEEL SO GOOD!”
3. That my prescription had run out. Because it pushed me to go OUT to store to inquire could I get 2 pills ’til it comes through
4. And getting out was so great for me!
5. And I picked up other things I needed from drugstore as well
6. And – the candle I need, from the dollar store right there!
7. Then went to market for whole wheat rolls 🙂
8. Some things needed did not get from drugstore because were cheaper on amazon, so ordered them
9. The weather is a crisp fall day with beautifully colored leaves. Just lovely!
10. My car – washed and filled from few days ago. Feels so good to be on top of things!
11. Had WONDERFUL class today! Loved it! And the timing!

Nov 8 ’23

1. Ahh. Feels so good to not be worried about today’s appointment. I’d thought I would be. Nope
2. Ahh. Feels so good to have just paid all my bills. In full and on time as always.
3. And to be totally able to afford them each month. Ahhh. I feel so fortunate, really. xo
4. And I just realized that I do something kind of like Abraham’s ledger practice. Cause many months I pay toward principal on car payment. And not only does that mean it will be paid off sooner (last car was a YEAR earlier!), but it also must be adding to my not-worry about money!
5. Had skin-check. All is well. And – I don’t even have to go back for TWO years! xo 🙂

Nov 7 ’23

1. I love when people are nice to me (as I am to them!). Like yesterday at bank
2. And today at motor vehicles
3. I love when friends are there for each other. As Jo is for me. And I am for him.
4. I love love love that J wanted to see me few days ago!
5. I loved my coaching session yesterday!
6. I loved and enjoyed a school dream – yes really – last night!
7. I loved the WW treats I just had
8. I LOVE that I ate well for a whole week!
9. And – saw a 3 pound weight loss this am.
10. I love the soft sweater I wore today
11. and the soft nightgown I have on now
12. I love that things really do work out for me! In both big AND small ways
13. I LOVED this morning’s class
14. And last night’s two
15. I LOVE My cousins! Yaaaaay!
16. I love cherry sparkling water
17. I LOVE that my groceries get delivered 🙂
18. I love the new toy for my birdies
19. I love Abraham!

People are so nice wherever I go! (As am I)
At the airport everyone was so helpful and nice. I was not nervous at all!
All over London people so nice to me! People on the tube and at Kensington Palace, drivers, waiters and waitresses, concierge, just everywhere!
At the bank the people are nice and that one is a gem!
At supermarkets!
Florist!
At the farm market!
At the alterations place!
The exterminator!
The tree guy!
The post office
When I call the city or the health ins people…
At the eyeglass place
At the bookstore
At Starbucks
At parties
Everywhere!
My father was right – people are mostly good:)
❤ ❤ ❤

Look around less. Imagine more. Until your imagery is the most familiar vibration that you have.

I KNEW it was coming! By how he did want to see me
And now, we are together. And SO happy.
I love everything, and at this moment I can honestly say I love especially:
cuddling in bed at night together
waking up smiling together
having morning coffee together
seeing each other on days off, all day and night ahhhh
and on regular days, for dinner and til the next morning
dinners together
going into city together
walking in nature together!
doggie time together!
going away on vacations together!!
going to parks, beaches, friends’ and family’s houses together!
Having people over, here!
reading together, chatting together, watching movies/tv together, laughing together, doing crafts and puzzles together, me cooking FOR us AND us cooking together AND him cooking for us, putting up and taking down Christmas decs together, going to the movies together, making love together, ordering in Chinese food and playing games and cards and enjoying dinner together, sleeping like afternoon nap on rainy Saturday together. EVERYTHING!!

Nov 5 ’23 I. Have. Family.

I. Have. Family.
Omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
I have family!

I have A and J and H and K of course
And I have D of course
And thank you GOD for that! For them! And that they have me – I thank you for that as well!

And that came after about a year and a month of my manifestation board that said in the middle, large, Family. Having had no idea if it would / could be them or J and fam or some other way. Just open. Just asking, and believing, and open.

And now. Five and a half years later. Here we are. I have cousins family too. Not just P. But L and L. ❤ ❤ XO XO
(And MAYBE M)

I. Have. Family.

Thank You, God.
Thank You, Universe.
Thank You, Abraham

❤

Nov 4 -5 ’23

So far – and hope to come back later (5th) as well.

Ahh

1. Jo did the leaves and we prayed
2. Did the med with D
3. I contacted Tr and MT to pray extra for G
4. Went to bank. they were closed it turns out. But – it was a *beautiful* day! Air temp, breeze, and trees!
5. FELT good
6. Came back and honestly don’t remember what I did lol. But I FELT good
7. And ate well – again. Yay!
8. It is getting easier to do so at nights
9. And the feeling when awaken is SO good!
10. I have slowed down – purposely and in a good way.
11. Like not rushing through the “doing things.”
12. Nice shower today and
13. Made bed nice nice and
14. dishwasher running now
15. Put away both loads of laundry immediately yesterday
16. Oh – THAT’S what I did lol – laundry
17. And chatted a bit on phone
18. AND getting *everything* ready for today: present and card, clothes and shoes, switched pocketbook, and cleaned jewelry. I love being all ready in advance
19. And I feel SO good when I get all the things done in time. Or a little early, without pressure though
20. Birdies have treats today oh yes
21. New foraging toy is there for them – they will get to it and love it when they are comfortable enough to
22. Expect to see J this week ❤
    

Being invited to things and saying yes.
And THAT’S always easy:)
Getting TO do the thing is getting easier and easier too! And eating well helps it to be!
Recently I’ve been invited and done: dinner with St, visits w J, wedding, birthday celebration at restaurant, big party (coming soon)
It feels so good to do it!
Even got my hair curled for wedding and party ooh lala:) (And I will figure out how to do for self too!)
I still have plenty of time to myself and love being out with and even among people. Relieved and appreciative

Thinking of what I want and shall have is so nice!
Great primary relationship! Where we appreciate each other! And I am given little tokens of it and affection and love all the time. And we have affection and smiles. And laughter and fun. And mutual support. And vacations together! Our own interests which we love sharing and having shared, and mostly all mutual interests! Same values. Lots of agreement. OPEN-MINDED listening.
Time just the two of us AND with others. Where we have honest talks and light times out movies etc and board/card games and fun
Health and eating so well and moving and being trim and fit and enthusiastic and confident and energetic
Friends and cousins and nieces and nephews and his sisters and brothers 🙂
Pets
XOXO

Nov 3 ’23

1. I had that magical feeling again today. Like yesterday. And some other times. Like it was just HERE. And it STAYED. !
2. Like, I was driving along feeling great. And after being out for 3 1/2 hours, I remember even starting to say to myself, in the car, “Shouldn’t there be SOMETHING wrong?” (Hello, old tape). But I caught myself! With, “If I feel great, I feel great. Period! Stay with it!”
3. Picked up few items needed at supermarket
4. Then had hair coloring
5. Then market
6. Then other supermarket
7. Then home
8. Hair looks so pretty. She curled it for me. So nicely.
9. I’ve had two good, delicious, healthy, good-for-weight meals and in a little bit will have a third, and a small baked apple:)
10. Relaxing
11. Tomorrow will relax a lot
12. Need to be 100% better
13. VERY glad I CAN afford to relax (retired and no “emergencies”)
14. House is all clean
15. Birds are enjoying their foods right now, little sweeties. Tomorrow they’ll get treats ❤
16. Last 2 days meditated earlier – like that better! Kind of “sets up” the day
17. Receptionist at hair place and I have nice chats
18. and today she touched me warmly
19. Although I didn’t get nearly as far ahead financially this month as I’d planned, I am on even newer budget now. I can do this! (I’m not just saying that i truly know I can)
20. I am very very fortunate. Freedom
21. and safety
22. and a home
23. and a car
24. and J in my life!
25. and Jo to do all the things
26. and I am able to manage affording everything
27. and my cousins
28. and my nieces and nephews
29. and my friends
30. and Abraham
31. and my cleaning lady
32. and tv
33. and Internet
34. and my laptop
35. and my phone
36. and my heat in the house
37. and my slippers!
38. and my new socks ahhh:)
39. emergy boards
40. washer and dryer
41. soups homemade and even some (healthy) canned ones
42. Tasty Bites Indian Coconut Squash Dal!
43. Seeds of Change Brown Basmati Rice
44. Romaine
45. Tomatoes
46. Whole grains and even whole wheat
47. fb
48. humor
49. cell phone
50. coupons
51. savings cards at stores, like membership cards
52. convenience. I could WALK to my local supermarket if I had to
53. and EASILY drive to a number of others
54. Not to mention deliveries
55. and takeout
56. and convenience stores
57. and all the food I always have in this house. Very fortunate indeed
58. Not to mention EASY walk to pharmacy
59. And they know me
60. AND they deliver too, anyway
61. I have vitamins
62. and supplements
63. I have workouts
64. and weights
65. I have my precious piano
66. I have beautiful plants
67. I have the beloved ancestors
68. and those who stewarded this land before I
69. I have my amazing classes
70. I have my faith
71. I have Abraham
72. I sleep
73. I dream
74. I cook
75. I have full use of my body, my senses, my limbs, my brain…

Thank You

So, there’s this *delightful* little fb page. Called whataboutbunny
Oh my gosh, how I enjoy it!
It’s a sheepadoodle who communicates with word buttons and her people.
It is sweet and brilliant and fascinating and so much fun
I am really quite enamored with it!
I might even ask for the book for Christmas!
LOVE and enjoy and appreciate this page!

I had that feeling yesterday AND today! And ooooh!
The feeling is – and I’m getting it back just by thinking of it! is:

satisfied with everything in my life right this minute
a knowing. that it has all been worth all of it. everything
a deep contentment with life
fun
excitement
delicious anticipation
love
security
happiness
togetherness
connection
enjoyment
planning
scrumptious living
loving life
unfettered breath
joy!

Nov 2 ’23

I’ve been sick but emotionally lots good has happened! In fact, I’d started on Nov 1, but became really sick and just took care of THAT!

1. Halloween Day was awesome! I had a very spiritual day, a very fulfilling day!
2. 2 LOVELY classes
3. And made Day of the Dead altar
4. Had nice phone chat with P
5. Meditated with D
6. It was lovely and I felt amazing
7. That night, none of the ancestors, like from my altar set-up showed up in my sleep but M from work was there, reminding me to have more fun! (Dream? Vision? Apparition? Visit? Who knows?!)
8. Yesterday I was sick but I took care of myself. Had some bad emotional feelings, but didn’t want to give in to them so I took care of myself physically, AND did the Abraham Hicks workshop and colored during.
9. I also got my groceries delivered. Good good things. Organic: romaine and tomatoes and onions and whole grain bread, 3 vegan Greek style yogurts, a couple of cans of low sodium Amy’s soups, meanwhile eating my own homemade healthy yummy soup.
10. I got other things I needed too, like freezer baggies, toilet tissue, paper towels, dental floss, instant brown and wild rice, 2 baguettes (freezer) and I don’t even remember all!
11. And I’d gotten up early and baked a banana bread for Jo. He came to do work and really appreciated it.
12. After the workshop, I took a shower and met with friends online. We had a lovely Day of the Dead (which is officially today) ceremony.
13. I put on Vics and went to bed and slept well.
14. I felt so much better this morning! Not 100% but really good. Took quick shower so not going outside with the Vics still on and:
15. Cleaning lady came and I went to get a pedicure. Ahhh. Wore good mask just in case (for me and others)
16. Came home took shower and been relaxing
17. Ate well – again YAY!
18. Meditated with D
19. Tomorrow I get hair colored. I think I’ll skip cut this time again and just let her curl it a little. I love that.
20. Sunday is a family party
21. J wants to see me YAY. I couldn’t today cause still sick and really not up to it, and – didn’t want to make him sick either.
22. In another week is another family party.
23. The week after I’ll se St.
24. Lots good goin on, including getting so much better today AND nice things coming
25. I. Felt. Emotionally. Great. Today! Just – positive and fine and grateful and really REALLY ENJOYING every minute. And not grumpy angry anymore either! Or down. YAY!

Pedicures
I love getting pedicures!
I appreciate that I have the means to do so!
AND that they are good a block away from me!
I can, and sometimes do, walk there!
They know me.
They are good to me.
I tip well.
Almost every time also, it means the cleaning lady is here. Ahhh.
I love sitting there.
I read. Today something light that I’m loving.
It is a wonderful way to pass the time.
And my feet are so soft.
And mostly always polished.
And I love the massage involved!
I love the luxury, the convenience, everything about going for my pedicures!

I KNEW we were getting closer! And I was right!
He appreciates me now
And I have come to realize how we must cherish those we love. No one of us will last here forever. It is all a treasure.
And now, we are both satisfied and content. And happy and excited. And fun-loving and happily anticipating even more for the future!
I LOVE my life.